Z wrote:you know wat, {censored} this s***. {censored} xmas. {censored} halloween. {censored} july 4th. and {censored} upcoming new years and valentines day. i use to love the holidays, especially july 4rth and halloween. but when i get 3 sucky holidays in a {censored} row, thats wen i know every aspect in ym life truly has hit rock bottom. i can barely handle the things i can control being {censored} up, but why can the things out of my control at least be decent. in 2006 i had the worst halloween of mylife, i spent it working till 10pm then came home to absoultely no trick or treaters or trick or treating for the first time ever. then thanksgiving came, and right before that, my {censored} parents decide to trigger a damn fued with my cousins, the only damn family i have that try to understand me, and who fully accept me for who i am. so thanksgiving was pretty bad. i thought, "wow, two really bad holidays in a row, never happened b4, o well things get better right?" ok, my {censored} bday comes along dec 3, and guess wtf happend? NUTHING. yes a couple ppl said happy bday and i appreciate it, but i spent my day drawing a gory pic of a hyena hanging by its back legs about to get its neck slit by a butcher, becuz thats how i {censored} felt, and i wanted to be dead all over again. i thought i had fought and won this stupid suicidal battle, but no matter how hard i {censored} try, SOMETHING {censored} HAPPENS!!! WHY??? WHY WHY WHY. im TRYING here, but my goddamnm LIFE isnt helping!!! now its christmas, and i can honestly say, it also was the worst i had, hard as i trry to pretend the opposite, cuz i do that alot, i pretend things are better then they really are, i know ishouldnt, i know im not spose to keep things bottled up for years an years , but i do it anyway becuz its not im my nature to get angry or depressed, so i pretend maddening and depressing things aint really happening. but over the past year it has been harder and harder to keep s*** bottled, the s*** has runneth over. i didnt want to see my bday, i really didnt, i wanted to go to bed on dec 2 and never wake up. but i did, and now here i {censored} am, for wat? wtf, i dont wanna see new years, wat bullshit is 2007 gunna bring? wtf am i spose to do, i keep pushing, i keep "hanging on", BUT FOR WAT???? s*** DOES NOT GET BETTER. HELLOOOOOO.
i cant help but feel that i was never meant to be born, that im not SPOSE to be alive right now, becuz s*** is soooo bad, my {censored} youth is wasting away. i look and talk to other ppl, ppl that come up to me like,"o come on, i know wat ur going thru ur life cant be that bad" and at the end of thier talk they find themselves saying to "o gee, im really sry, ur life really IS worse then mines" well out of like 20 ppl ive had this convo with, only one had a worse life then me (he had a life threatening illness since birth). thats pretty {censored} {censored} up, that out of every 19 ppl, i got it the worse. that my life has reached such an all time low, that they ONLY way it could be worse, is if i was suffering sum fatal debilitating disease, becuz all the other bad things have already happend. {censored} that, and {censored} you, if the goddamn world blew up 2morrow, that would be great, just {censored} great.
Z!!
(I have a
rant too which relates a bit at the bottom)
Life can -always always always- get worse. Don't ever think like that! You'll jynx yourself, because if you believe pessimistically, you will find your life goes bad. And to s***. I was angry once too. I think a lot of people, any gender, are at different ages, I was angry around 15-17 I think, by the time I was 18, 19, I'd sort of calmed down a little.
However, life can always, ALWAYS get better!
Z, so what exactly happened (You don't have to discuss if you don't want to but I'm all ears...er...eyes, if you wish to)? It's not clear there, what pissed you off? Being ignored? Why are you so upset? -Gives you a hyaena chew toy-.
You're loved here, anyway. Unfortunately, this is the internet and it's probably not the same to you. But well, I'm not a stalker, and I doubt others here are, so we care for each other, even if it is just a messageboard and the only one I even really visit (And one of the only reasons I even go online!). Next year, we will make sure you get a bloody good birthday!
Have you got any life goals, and if so, do you know what to do to achieve them? That's why we continue to live, I think, because want to do what we love so much, whether we start when we're 40, or 10.
Eh and I don't discuss my therianthropy or spiritual shape shifting too publically either. People already think I'm eccentric in a lot of ways, that'd add me to the loony bin level.
We've all had to put up with s***. I'm not saying it's anywhere near as bad as yours or trying to compete or anything (I know people who do that, it's annoying, I know a woman who used to pull herself down and tried to be worse than everyone, and she's damned old enough to know better). But I'm saying at least you're not alone, that we're a 'pack' (internet wise) and we're here for you. I had a lot of [spoiler]s***[/spoiler] happen to me too, most of it family, and highschool. Until I picked up a guitar, I was unable to move on. I mostly have, but it's not easy.
i cant help but feel that i was never meant to be born, that im not SPOSE to be alive right now, becuz s*** is soooo bad, my {censored} youth is wasting away.
And we'd be pretty sad here if you weren't born or died tomorrow. We'd be missing part of the pack! Some bloody awesome artwork, and a great funny person.
I mean, look at this art!
Large:
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/429 ... n%3Ascraps
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My rant:
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I had a pretty weird Christmas myself. A cat almost died, her kittens sure as hell did, because some idiot hit her and ran. There was an ambulance across the road, and the family gathering was utterly boring, plus I had to sit and witness children go "I want! I want!" Not "I will give generously". I was never selfish as a kid.
Yes, Christmas can be extremely trying.
As for birthdays, when I was young, mine was always in the holidays. I got used to being ignored, no one ever threw a suprise party for me, not until I was 18. My family never ignored me but my aunts and uncles did, until my 16th that is. My family threw the suprise party. My friends at school never threw any for me.
As you grow, you realise that things just aren't that important anymore. Unfortunately the childlike spirit of all these holidays kind of dissipates and you have to face the reality of paying a lot of money for gifts you can't afford, for selfish people who don't know what poverty kids elsewhere are suffering. But, not every kid around wants and wants, I never got anything without saying thankyou, and without giving myself. I was bought up very well.
Halloween was stupid. I got extremely wasted and sick the next morning, but now we celebrate my friend's birthday rather than Halloween. We dressed up of course, (you've probably seen the photos on this board somewhere), but trick or treaters...those little brats. I went out, yes drunk, so I was an idiot, and went to give out candy but having a wolf mask on, an expensive guitar in my hands and a bowl of candy was kind of silly because they came by and ripped it all out of my hands. I snarlingly told a few off, but nobody listened.
I think holidays DO hit rock bottom (breaks out into a UFO solo...haha sorry UFO did a song called Rock Bottom, and Schenker performs it every MSG tour) when people stop learning what holidays really are about. Either you grow up and it's not really fun anymore, or if you (not you, I mean in general) were a selfish kid, then you'll always remain a selfish adult.
I don't think I've gotten out what I was trying to say, unfortunately.
<--- THEY PWN U
! awoo!
but it's what my older brother used to get when he ate ice cream. Check what you are eating in your diet, that can cause it. I'm not sure what else does, unfortunately I'm not a doctor.