Sorry, Ive just had a lot on my mind lately and I figured I would ask all of you.
I was watching Tristan and Isolde the other day (dont know if you've seen it) and Tristan really truly fell in love with Isolde but it seems like boys dont get lovesick or really fall in love in real life. Not like they do in the movies anyway. I mean I could be wrong but I asked my mate and he said "Yeah sure...but only boys. Not men." Which was not the best answer.
So, Im gonna be a total sap and ask the males of the forum to respond. Have you ever just met a girl in the street and havent been able to stop thinking about her? Or known you were going to marry someone? Or truly couldnt think of anything else all day after getting to know a girl? Because I think thats what us girls really want and Im gonna be really depressed if it doesnt exist.
I guess you can call me a romantic.
You are the only light there is for yourself my friend
No. Men do NOT. Men feel physical attraction first. Even if they THINK they're in love, it's a subconscious desire to have sex. *don't be mad, any healthy male will tell you the truth ( or deny it to get you in bed :} )
Man have to know a woman longer to develop feelings for her. Myself, I detest clingy paranoid women. Like....
im very loner like so i usually don't get much feelings, when i do there very limited and i doubt its anything romantic or sexual, so i don't really think about it to much
(for every afro avatar, a funky man loses his hair, please, think of undercover brother)
A man only feels sexual attraction at first, it takes time for men to develop strong feelings like that.
I've seen some nice looking women either at school or at work that i find my self studying her anatomy. I don't get "swept off my feet" as women put it. Once i see a good looking women i just have to say i have to talk to her. hopefully her hotness goes past skin deep and i can get her have the same intrest i have with her.
Ladies if you want to keep a good guy, but don't expect any strong feelings from him right away that doesn't involve a sertain male organ.
P.S.
Ladies don't buy too much in those romatic movies, books, etc. They're full of crap.
Women "fall" for men really fast, so when they want to "stay over" and "cook breakfast" after say, one or two dates, that makes men nervous. It's too fast for us.
Well, I'm only in my teens, so I definitly fall in the "boy" catagory, but before I end up having any attraction to a girl we have to have similar interests. Then we become friends and then if I really like her I start to get a little crush. Then if she returns intrest and I still feel strong enough about her I make an effort to be around her more, hold her in my arms and try and grow closer to her emotionally. At that point nothing makes me happier than seeing her happy, to see her smile and know you played a part in making it happen. Maybe that's not romantic love, but it's the closest thing I've found so far.
But I'm sort of atypical when it comes to highschool boys. My friends go off of looks first (personally, looks are just icing on the cake for me) then for personality, ext. ext. And they definitly get love sick. Sometimes they go on for days pineing after some girl. I've had pangs of lovesickness, but I'm a pretty patient guy, so I distract myself and bid my time. So far I just lose intrest if she doesn't return mine.
So to sum it up, ya, instant love is just lust and true love comes with time. Not to say that the initial attraction can't turn into love, but you'll have to wait.
MattSullivan wrote:Women "fall" for men really fast, so when they want to "stay over" and "cook breakfast" after say, one or two dates, that makes men nervous. It's too fast for us.
Yeah...but I dont really consider THAT love either. But I'll agree that women fall way more easily.
Do you guys even believe that you COULD fall in love like that? Because I dont imagine it would happen often.
And yes, I know that asking a forum of mostly teenagers and werewolf/gore fans doesnt account for everybody in the world but, hey...where are the more romantic guys on this board...Scott? Terestas? Kaebora (with his new lover)?
EDITED TO ADD: Kelpten, that was just the answer I was looking for! Now...if only one of the "men" will agree.
You are the only light there is for yourself my friend
Having been there, I will say yes, men do "fall" in love...it's rare, though.
If one meets the female that is one's exact balance, exact counterpoint, exact completion-then the response is instantaneous on both sides.
It's really really rare, though. Regular "Love" (and I mean the kind that endures over the years) is in most cases a job of give-and-take. Two complete People have to have enough respect and care for each other to let their natures blend into what's called Love. It's like learning how to play a piano, only there is no piano at hand; first you must build it, then tune it, then learn to play it.
It's harder than any other job in the world, but also the most rewarding.
RedEye: The Wulf and writer who might really be a Kitsune...
I don't have much time to frequent message boards, but I saw this post on Pariah's screen and had to post.
Simply put...
In general, men are going to be attracted physically before anything else. It's part of our nature.
However, all hope is not lost for you Moonkit.
Physical attraction isn't always just about measurements and whatnot, but can be about other more important things.
For instance, you can tell a great deal about a person by non-verbal communication. Such as, you can pick out the guy who thinks he is a loser and ultimately doesn't have much confidence. At the same time, you can easily pick out the arrogant jerk who is too confident in himself.
The same goes for girls.
A guy can pick out a girl who wants to be the center of attention, just as well as he can pick out a girl that may be a bit more down to earth.
And for some guys/girls. they can pick out the ones that will likely "put out".
Again, it's a thing about the nature of man.
Now, to ultimately answer your question...
Yes, a guy can fall hard for a girl after meeting her once.
Notice I said meeting, not simply seeing.
I met Pariah when she was reading a book under a tree at our local college.
I came up to her and said "Hi... I don't know you".
She laughed, we talked, and I skipped class so we could talk some more.
After that day, I was constantly catching myself thinking about her and was always looking for her when I was on campus.
I can't say I KNEW she was the one at that time, but my GOD did I want her to be (my self-esteem was shot at the time).
I actively pursued her for about 3 months before she agreed to go out with me.
That was over 5 years ago, and I still make a conscious effort to do everything I can to make her happy, and I do still catch myself thinking about her during the day and smiling.
And as for the guys that say, "real men don't..." I can't argue on behalf of all men, but I can say that such a thing is possible for a male.
And since it is obviously possible, then there is of course hope.
I seem to find that people tend to settle with someone they can tolerate more than anything.
I can't say that soul-mates do/don't exist. But I will say that Pariah is the closest thing to one for that I can find. So much so in fact that 3rd parties have commented on how alike we are, or how well we are together.
However, just because your current man didn't have that head-over-heels experience, doesn't mean he isn't the one.
Find a guy that treats you better than you think you deserve, and you will be miles ahead of the masses.
All tweaked-out on Monster and nobody to eviscerate...
My mad scientist/anthropologist friend put it this way: women can secrete the love brain chemical (can't recall what she said it was called) without having sex. Men, however, must have sex in order to secrete this chemical. Hence the old adage women need to be loved to feel sexual, men need to be sexual to feel love.
Men are capable of falling in love. Women just fall in love faster. Guys worry a lot when it comes to love cause more often than not, we want it to end up in us having sex. I know it's shallow but that's the way it is. Buy just because you've dated a guy for a few months and you're madly in love with him and he's never sad "I love you" doesn't mean that he doesn't love you. Trust me, if a guy says he loves you, he loves you and guys would rarly lie or joke about that. I'm speaking mostly from experience here, so if any of y'all disagree...well...Tough.
Yes, men can fall in love like that. Though there are a lot of the cliche males out there that say no and that physical attraction is the first impulse. In fact, I 'll go ahead and say it. The last thing on my mind is the size of a woman's breasts.
The Main thing and the most important thing I look for is her personality. A genuine person with character, someone who isn't shallow and doesn't judge people off of first impressions. Anyone, and I say this to everyone, that is disingenuous and are not of a good nature should not be worth the roller coaster ride. I can guarantee that the relationship won't last long because of it. Someone who makes a person feel good about themselves is essential and that's how a person falls in love.
For me, I look at how healthy they are, second to personality. You don't want them to be 'mental' and you don't want something shortlived. Don't confuse it with physical attraction, because it's actually a health issue in whether they eat and properly take care of themselves. You don't want an obese person because they don't take care of themselves and certainly you don't want a stick figure, like models, who don't eat at all. This tells me that you're not ready for a relationship and that person might make me worry more about them and their health than i need to. It also tells me that you aren't someone who takes care of yourself and you probably will have funny looking babies.....I don't want funny looking babies. I am certain I don't want funny looking babies. I want good looking, healthy babies in the DISTANT future.
The reason for this is my personal opinion, but also it comes from experience, along with watchful eyes on my nearly 'blind' peers. Call me strange. It's better being this way than being a cliche. What wrong with being different anyway?
You know what, you're right! They are kind of funny, but after a while and having to take one home you realize that its not so great that green playduo comes out their back ends and it smells....that's love for you.
Babies have always reminded me of aliens. They have no teeth, no hair, their eyes are shut closed and their fingers are like worms.
Still, I want to limit my chances of having an ugly, unhealthy baby. Hey, I'm the one who has to look after it! I'm the one who has to care for it!
But wouldn't you say true love is sacrificing everything for the wellbeing of your lover? Including healthy babies? Or even the love they may have for you? If you don't have to sacrifice anything for love, than it just isn't as important. So if you truly love someone that strongly you'll love them regardless of whatever. That's not to say that if you aren't willing to sacrifice that you're shallow or you don't like that person. You're love just isn't quite as deep as it could be. And any union is going to have its arguments, but if you're willing to sacrifice a bit of your wellbeing for theirs and for peace, just about any relationship can work.
Kelpten wrote:But wouldn't you say true love is sacrificing everything for the wellbeing of your lover? Including healthy babies? Or even the love they may have for you? If you don't have to sacrifice anything for love, than it just isn't as important. So if you truly love someone that strongly you'll love them regardless of whatever. That's not to say that if you aren't willing to sacrifice that you're shallow or you don't like that person. You're love just isn't quite as deep as it could be. And any union is going to have its arguments, but if you're willing to sacrifice a bit of your wellbeing for theirs and for peace, just about any relationship can work.
Love can be that way. The sign of true love IS sacrifice. However, to me, the product of love(a child) must be maintained or else the love for one's partner will have meant nothing in the first place.
I believe that true love comes later in life, after you have just met that person. To throw one's life away for someone who harms themselves is illogical. In turn, you are just harming yourself for no reason and when you are bringing a baby into the world, knowing that you and your partner did not do enough, you are endangering that one of a quality life. I could never be so unreasonable.
Most certainly, I would give sacrifice, but not in such an early stage of a relationship. To sacrifice is to bring harm to one's self in some form or manner. Knowing when to make that decision is important, especially when that person is worth saving and I am nothing at that moment. I guess it depends on the measure of hope there is in such a relationship and how that plays in the game of life. Having experience in the frailty of the heart also has something to do with it. So, love depends on the person and that is why love is unpredictable.
-Hope and Frailty determines the measure of love-
That's why my mate and I don't intend to have cubs of our own. We both have genetic problems, so the better alternative is to adopt. (though honestly I don't want any ever. I just don't have any maternal instinct for human babies)
PariahPoet wrote:That's why my mate and I don't intend to have cubs of our own. We both have genetic problems, so the better alternative is to adopt. (though honestly I don't want any ever. I just don't have any maternal instinct for human babies)
You sound like me. No maternal instinct whatsoever.
You are the only light there is for yourself my friend
lol, well I have it for some baby animals-kitten, puppies, etc.
A couple years ago I raised a baby dove I found abandoned and I think that is as close to mothering that I will ever get. I treasured him- broke my heart when I had to let him go.
About fifty years ago one would have been thought crazy to say that they didn't want to have children, unless they joined the church. Now, it's a different story. Women choose to work. Others acknowledge that they are not parent material. There are also those that see it cruel to bring a life into this world, either by financial or personal reasons.
It's more acceptable. I'm glad for that. The way I see it, I am not ready either. I'm young and even though I am at a rare stand point where I could have children and be more than well off, I choose not to. I have yet to see enough of the world. Also, I have to learn to take more care of myself if I am to ever consider approaching a woman of sound standing.
I think the cliche woman has got it right, though. Physical appearance second to mental attraction should go a little bit farther. Though, I will honestly say that there are more girl where I live that choose physical attraction over the mental, believe it or not. I have noticed that a Caucasian, culturally brought up woman of a certain youth, looks for physical attraction, secretly. Tell me if you haven't used or have heard the phrase, "I just don't see myself with you, but you're nice." It's like saying it is on the level of chemistry. But, it goes by the physical standpoint more than the mental attraction. After all, you only said hello and maybe asked for a number. A woman would say that because they see the 'specimen' as a weak link, of a different nature because of what he wears, look of his face and even his ethnicity. I don't look down on this, because it's just like my fellow male peers in the way they look at women. This cannot be denied and really I think it has to do with how one is brought up. "The Talk" from the parents varies between the sexes, if you've noticed.
