Depression thread

[Baphnedia]

Aww, I'm sorry to hear that. Been through that a few times in my life, I have.

For me, I'll get no sleep tonight, because the kittens (3) have been given full rune of the house (with 5 adult cats), and they'll be busy 'getting to know each other' all. night. long.

[fullmoonmaster]

sorry for your loss:(

[WerewolfKeeper3]

i'm sorry to hear about the passing of the animals. My condolences to you.

[Silverclaw]

We had to put our orange tabby cat, Agnus, down yesterday She was getting to be on the old side, (between 12-14 years) and was really sick. She lost a lot of weight really fast and stopped eating. We had to force her water through a turkey baser. Yesterday, she was struggling to breath all day and part of the day before. The vet thinks she had cancer, and their was nothing they could of done(We brought her into the vet a couple times already in the past few weeks). Blood came from her nose after she died...I think we will bury her today in the garden. I'm going to miss her; we had her for a long time. It's weird, we used to have three cats, now its down to one. Our other gray tabby cat, Cody, died from liver failure this January. It feels like August is a cursed month. Two years ago, our dog Gilby died. Last year,(a couple days apart from Gilby) our beagle Aiden died. He was hit by a car on the highway after escaping the house. We only had him from the pound for 3 weeks. And this year, Agnus. I'm scared what might happen next August...
R.I.P

[Wingman]

Rough stuff. I hope you have better luck in the future.

[RedEye]

Silverclaw, accept that sad things happen; but please, please, don't pre-load a time that you haven't yet experienced (next year) with such negativity.
You never know what it might attract.

Remember, too, that your feline friends are still alive-in you. As long as you remember them, they still live.

[Baphnedia]

Silverclaw, ditto to what RedEye said.

[Spongy]

God f*** dammit, I'm tired of screwing up and losing friends.

[RedEye]

Sorry, but slim comforts here: You will continue to screw up as long as you continue to try...anything. Stop trying and you'll stop screwing up (other than wasting your whole life).

As for losing friends... you lost acquaintances, not friends. Real friends are like athlete's foot: almost impossible to get rid of without really trying to do so, and even then it frequently doesn't work and they are still your friends anyway.

[RedEye]

I'd like to talk about a sadness that has just come up for me. I have a three-year old cat named Squeaky at the vet's. She's sick, and today I found out just how sick she is.
She has a persisting anemia that got better after a transfusion, then it got bad again the day afterwards.
Her kidneys are failing, despite a continuing IV drip and antibiotics.
Tomorrow, I go to the vet's and hold her while she is put to sleep. She is all of 40 months old, and will never be any older after tomorrow.
She will be in better and more loving and capable hands than mine, after that.
Her two daughters are still with me; that's some consolation.
Ave atque vale, Squeaky. While you were here, you were loved.

[silver1]

I know what having to that is like,time will ease your pain.

[WerewolfKeeper3]

I'm sorry to hear that... Really truly sorry... we lost our dog about five months ago... but it seems longer... Time does ease the pain...

[Silverclaw]

Thanks RedEye and Baph. I'll try not to think about that sortof stuff next Aug. I know it was most likely just a coincidence, still, its a little creepy.

And I'm sorry to hear about your cat RedEye It sucks to have to lose a pet; that's the one bad thing about having them, is when stuff like that happens

[Baphnedia]

This might not be the best place to post it... but does anyone know how to make your mother a ward of the state?

[Sevena]

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[Sevena]

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[Howlitzer]

well, today I received some depressing news....

one of my cats, one that I have had since before I was in kindergarden, has cancer. Originally they thought it was a small benign growth on his gums....but it's not. Apparently its nasty cancer, to the degree where they didn't bother taking a biopsy or removing it for the likelihood of making it worse, and are only giving him medication to reduce swelling and pain, not to actually directly treat it. Putting him through most therapies would put him through too much suffering for the chance of success.

According to my parents he's showing no ill effects from it yet, and has otherwise been in good health and spirits, but since there's nothing they can do about it in the long run, not much can be done right now save for make sure that he's comfortable ahead of time and see what happens.

I lost one of my other cats very suddenly and unexpectedly earlier this summer, and that was one experience to deal with...what's different, and somewhat more saddening about this, is that I know it's going to happen, and I have to live with that until it does. He's been my feline companion for 15 of the 19 years of my life. This is especially hard news because I'm currently off at school, and I don't know how fast this will progress or if I'll be able to see him while he's still in otherwise good health.

sigh...

[WerewolfKeeper3]

I'm sorry to hear that Howlitzer... i really am... i hope you'll be able to see him while he's still in good health.

[fullmoonmaster]

We had to put my cat spider down this morning:( His health had been failing for awhile and had stopped eating..but this morning he couldnt even walk anymore..it was time..doesnt make it any easier

[WerewolfKeeper3]

I'm sorry to here that Fullmoonstar... no it doesn't make it any easier... but you helped ease his pain. He's no longer suffering. And he's probably still with you in spirit.

[AngryGothChick]

Relation-s*** problems has me down. I'm thinking about my ex, but they moved on and probably dating someone else. And I have been eyeballing a crush that I can't get over. The friend is dealing with s*** too... unless she is single as well. Then erm,damnit. I f*** hate this anymore. I guess I forget that having emotions and feelings are normal,and its part of being human anymore.

Got that and constant emptiness to deal with.

Edit : (Nov. 26)

Yup. Feeling more empty and heartbroken now. Friend turned me down (without saying it directly) and now it's going to drive me more insane. f*** emotions.

[heartlessfang]

I wrote this a few months ago... But because it's still an ongoing issue, It might as well have been written right now.

I've decided that this summer I want to put myself out in the net world more with my work, and improve over the summer break.

This means that I'll start doing trades and requests with other people....well I've already done a few requests and trades on my Fa over the past 2 months (I'm pretty shocked that people actually want to see my work, or rather they want me to draw stuff for them....), but I feel that dA is a bigger playground, with more peeps interested in either:
1) Stunningly beautiful work by uber-professional, or talented artists(which I'm not, but I'm trying to work my way up...)

2) Fan art of anime or stuff like that. (I'd rather try to get other people interested in my characters rather than just drawing currently popular characters for fame.)

3) Things on the very edge of a violation/controversial topics.

Well this is a gross over-simplification of dA's multitude of talents, trends, and People, but either way I get ignored....(this is starting to sound like I'm whining isn't it?) and that's the only thing that matters to me.

That I, as a developing artist, don't fall to the wayside of mediocrity or depression over the fact that I can't seem to garner some cred on dA, FA, The Pack Forums, real life, or any where that I post my art. It's frustrating, it's lonely, it's self-esteem crushing, it's maddening, it's unfair....it's....it's......well, I don't like it.

To be a successful artist, you have to be an attention w**** to some extent. I get that.
To be a successful artist, you have to be confident in your work. I get that.
To be a successful artist, you have to w**** yourself out to people, or you die. It's a sink or swim profession. I get that.

....I get that....but...what if no matter how you try, no one else sees you? Do I stop trying to be true to myself and just make blatant attempts to get attention? So that it eventually others just want to see my "attention getters", and pay no attention to my original characters or stories?
This is what I used to do at times in half-desperation: Look at my recent visitors, go to their page, look through their galleries, find something I like, and comment/critique it, hoping like others who do the same to me, that they'll take a look at my gallery and watch me, or fave something or give me some input on my work.......but.....it just doesn't seem to get me anywhere.


...and yet...there are still those people who are willing to watch me and put up with me. there are artists that I like that actually comment on my pics sometimes and answer my comments........I know i shouldn't be thinking about stuff like page veiws, because they really don't measure a person's skill or how good their work is....It's just hard not to when I'm ignored by the people who i seek attention from almost constantly.

....In short: I don't know what the hell I want with myself. What am i expecting here? what do I want here? Maybe All i want is something from myself, that I can feel genuinely proud of for more than five minutes. Not just in art, but in my life.

people say that it's quite a feat for me to reach black belt, when it really isn't. They talk about my skill, and how much I've practiced over the ten or so years I've been doing it. When in reality, I should've been here years ago but wasn't due to whatever my instructors were thinking by not telling me anything about when i could go test, or if I was ready while other students passed me by.

people say i'm good at drawing comics and werewolves, but that just came from spamming the same goldenwolf pic and pics that I printed over and over and over and over and over again. I should've been at this level ages ago. I'm 22 years old, and though I've been drawing comics since I was seven, I'm still so god-d**** weak and unskilled that it's infuriating. JUST WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?? IN CLASS I SEE ARTISTS: THEY HAVE SKILLS, THEY HAVE FRIENDS THAT LIKE THE SAME THINGS THAT THEY DO! THEY HAD GOOD TEACHERS, THEY HAVE SELF ESTEEM. WHILE I'M.....I'm.......nothing.

I really don't know how far this will get me, or if I'll end up any good at all. I tell myself to keep going.....because art is one of those things, like fighting, martial arts, and philosophy, that I just shut down without.
****

I've been feeling like I've been drifting for the past few months now, and as I go to my job, I feel like my heart is slowly turning to stone. Sealing off my feelings, among other things. Especially since the only friend that I've had since high school has left for the Navy. I feel like a stranger in the places I grew up, and that I cant find a place to belong anymore. I make attempts at this place and my galleries in order to be part of something....only to feel like no one cares....
Meh. Sometimes I feel like I'm cursed with hope.

[RedEye]

Hint to Heartlessfang:
First, if you want to be an artist of any sort, you have to keep going without any regard for what others say. With graphic art, that means accepting that there will be a lot more talented people than you; but only YOU have your own vision of what something should look like.
In the old days, anyone who could draw could be made into a graphic artist. The method was repetition over and over again until you got good at whatever you were drawing. Classically, that meant something like 10,000 drawings of a face, or a hand or a foot... And classical artists like Michaelangelo and Titian did that so they could become "Masters" of their art form.
So you feel like you're drifting? If you want to be an artist, stop "drifting" and get to work making sketches of everything under the sun. Train your hand and eye to work together to reproduce those things you see.
Art is a Practiced thing. Talent helps, but practice is essential. So the first things look awful; so what? Keep at it, and analyze what you do wrong and what you do right; then concentrate on fixing what is wrong while polishing what is right until they both are identical.
"Drifting" is a cop-out. Don't go there. Drive yourself and you'll achieve.

Now for me. Had a CAT spinal x-ray series. The arthritis is getting worse and I will most likely have to have surgery- again. Why can't they just put in a damned zipper and have done with it?

[heartlessfang]

Hint to Heartlessfang:
First, if you want to be an artist of any sort, you have to keep going without any regard for what others say. With graphic art, that means accepting that there will be a lot more talented people than you; but only YOU have your own vision of what something should look like.
In the old days, anyone who could draw could be made into a graphic artist. The method was repetition over and over again until you got good at whatever you were drawing. Classically, that meant something like 10,000 drawings of a face, or a hand or a foot... And classical artists like Michaelangelo and Titian did that so they could become "Masters" of their art form.
So you feel like you're drifting? If you want to be an artist, stop "drifting" and get to work making sketches of everything under the sun. Train your hand and eye to work together to reproduce those things you see.
Art is a Practiced thing. Talent helps, but practice is essential. So the first things look awful; so what? Keep at it, and analyze what you do wrong and what you do right; then concentrate on fixing what is wrong while polishing what is right until they both are identical.
"Drifting" is a cop-out. Don't go there. Drive yourself and you'll achieve.

Now for me. Had a CAT spinal x-ray series. The arthritis is getting worse and I will most likely have to have surgery- again. Why can't they just put in a damned zipper and have done with it?

I get what you're saying. I do draw everyday. But it would be nice to catch a break every once in a while, you know. So at least it doesn't feel like I'm doing work for nothing. I want to be able to tell my stories to others someday.

[RedEye]

Remember also: you make your art for yourself first and foremost, unless you're working for money or a trade.

Take a good look at the historical artists who were never recognized in their lifetimes and keep drawing. Catching a break wasn't what they got, yet they still persevered. Now, we call them Masters.

So, hang in. Your story will get told.
(Hint) Look at the things you have the most trouble with, then concentrate on them. Sometimes good art is held back by a weak segment; the trick is to find that segment and make it stronger.

I used to be quiet a good artist myself. I quit drawing, practicing. Now I can barely do anything decent because I stopped the drawing and lost the better skills. Artistic skill is Perishable! Found that out the hard way.