Proper Care Procedures for a Baphnedia:
Your Baphnedia comes prepackaged and already turned on.
No assembly required - he already has all of his parts.
No batteries required - he is powered by Coffee, Vault, Jolt, and many combinations of liquor. Please do not attempt to insert batteries into Baphnedia. Doing so may result in a volatile reaction.
Do not attempt to plug Baphnedia into a wall. The results will be shocking.
You may approach Baphnedia from the front for a hug. Only approach from the rear for a hug if he already knows you in person real well (as he doesn't like some surprises).
Don't try to offer sex to Baphnedia, he will say 'no'. Hugs are ok.
If Baphnedia is in a performance, hugs probably are not ok.
Baphnedia can usually be found by identifying the markings on his userpic.
Baphnedia can be cleaned in a shower or a bath (and he can sometimes be found in a pool or the ocean).
What are your proper care instructions?
Proper Care Instructions:
-
PariahPoet
- Legendary
- Posts: 2865
- Joined: Tue Jul 12, 2005 4:05 pm
- Custom Title: The one and only were-jaguarundi!
- Gender: Female
- Location: Texas
- Contact:
-
Scott Gardener
- Legendary
- Posts: 4731
- Joined: Wed Dec 15, 2004 11:36 pm
- Gender: Male
- Mood: Excited
- Location: Rockwall, Texas (and beyond infinity)
- Contact:
Mine are in Engrish--badly translated English from Japanese.
Congradulations on purchasing of your new super trans-humanist lycanthrope Jonathan Scott Gardener, as featured in the Lycanthrope: Awakening to become novel. To ensure pleasant usage, please to avoid the following:
1. Scott Gardener requires regular Internet access as to install updates. Without periodic updates, he becomes dysfunctional.
2. When in wolf form, do not pull on tail with excessive force or shake head too hard. Allow all four feet to touch the ground. Tail is normal still to exist as the Gestalt.
3. Avoid smoking around Scott Gardener, voting for Bush, or bringing up the question of whether or not werewolves can exist, as his lectures are lengthy, hypnotic, and combine philosophy with politics.
4. Feed only humane meats, or he is to become testy. Avoid fast food and feed only expensive, overpriced Certified Organic.
5. Scott Gardener requires continuous oxygen. Do not submerge underwater more than four minutes without supplimental air.
Congradulations on purchasing of your new super trans-humanist lycanthrope Jonathan Scott Gardener, as featured in the Lycanthrope: Awakening to become novel. To ensure pleasant usage, please to avoid the following:
1. Scott Gardener requires regular Internet access as to install updates. Without periodic updates, he becomes dysfunctional.
2. When in wolf form, do not pull on tail with excessive force or shake head too hard. Allow all four feet to touch the ground. Tail is normal still to exist as the Gestalt.
3. Avoid smoking around Scott Gardener, voting for Bush, or bringing up the question of whether or not werewolves can exist, as his lectures are lengthy, hypnotic, and combine philosophy with politics.
4. Feed only humane meats, or he is to become testy. Avoid fast food and feed only expensive, overpriced Certified Organic.
5. Scott Gardener requires continuous oxygen. Do not submerge underwater more than four minutes without supplimental air.
Taking a Gestalt approach, since it's the "in" thing...
-
PariahPoet
- Legendary
- Posts: 2865
- Joined: Tue Jul 12, 2005 4:05 pm
- Custom Title: The one and only were-jaguarundi!
- Gender: Female
- Location: Texas
- Contact:
Getting started with your new Pariah-
Safety and Care:
Maintenance-
For optimum performance supply your Pariah with steak, cola, and Smarties. Your Pariah is self-fueling, so keep these items at hand at all times.
Pariah also requires 10 hours of scheduled downtime between 3am and 1pm.
No need for washing, your Pariah comes pre-packaged with a rough tongue for automatic self-cleaning!
Troubleshooting:
If your Pariah becomes irritable or moody, administer an immediate dose of dark chocolate and begin a brief interval of downtime.
If Pariah's moodiness continues or worsens, provide it with a good book and re-administer troubleshooting measure number one.
Safety and Precautions-
Do not wake a sleeping Pariah. Attempts to do so may result in ear-piercing yowels, loss of digits, facial scratching, and in some cases death.
Pariah requires an opperating space of at least 10 feet in every direction. Intrusion into this space will produce afforementioned results.
Compatible units may approach Pariah under most circumstances, however a twitching tail indicates annoyance, in which case retreat is advised.
For best results, store your Pariah at room temperature in a dark, dry place with convenient access to a computer.
Safety and Care:
Maintenance-
For optimum performance supply your Pariah with steak, cola, and Smarties. Your Pariah is self-fueling, so keep these items at hand at all times.
Pariah also requires 10 hours of scheduled downtime between 3am and 1pm.
No need for washing, your Pariah comes pre-packaged with a rough tongue for automatic self-cleaning!
Troubleshooting:
If your Pariah becomes irritable or moody, administer an immediate dose of dark chocolate and begin a brief interval of downtime.
If Pariah's moodiness continues or worsens, provide it with a good book and re-administer troubleshooting measure number one.
Safety and Precautions-
Do not wake a sleeping Pariah. Attempts to do so may result in ear-piercing yowels, loss of digits, facial scratching, and in some cases death.
Pariah requires an opperating space of at least 10 feet in every direction. Intrusion into this space will produce afforementioned results.
Compatible units may approach Pariah under most circumstances, however a twitching tail indicates annoyance, in which case retreat is advised.
For best results, store your Pariah at room temperature in a dark, dry place with convenient access to a computer.
-
Shadow Wulf
- Site Admin
- Posts: 7572
- Joined: Thu Jun 23, 2005 3:17 pm
- Location: Zephyrhills, Florida
- Contact:
Thank you for purchasing Shadow Wulf We hope you have an enjoyable time with your new werewolf. But before playing with your werewolf, please read the following instructions and safety precautions.
Warning: Shadow Wulf is packaged with sharp claws and teeth built in and should keep away from small children and stuff toys.
Shadow Wulf is should be handled with love and care since he is sensitive to hurasment and will result in conswquental actions.
In under any circumstances you should not pull on Shadow Wulf's tail (if you value your arm).
Battaries are not needed for Shadow Wulf. To recharge Shadow Wulf, place food in the mouth and allow him to process the energy.
We hope you'll have fun with our product, and have an enjoyable experience.
Warning: Shadow Wulf is packaged with sharp claws and teeth built in and should keep away from small children and stuff toys.
Shadow Wulf is should be handled with love and care since he is sensitive to hurasment and will result in conswquental actions.
In under any circumstances you should not pull on Shadow Wulf's tail (if you value your arm).
Battaries are not needed for Shadow Wulf. To recharge Shadow Wulf, place food in the mouth and allow him to process the energy.
We hope you'll have fun with our product, and have an enjoyable experience.
Every government degenerates when trusted to the rulers of the people alone. The people themselves are its only safe depositories. - Thomas Jefferson
-
Kaebora
- Moderator
- Posts: 2444
- Joined: Sat Aug 13, 2005 4:51 pm
- Custom Title: Werehare In Disguise
- Gender: Male
- Mood: RAR!
- Location: Dallas, TX
- Contact:
Congrats on purchasing your remote controlled statue, Kaebora! With the touch of a button he'll type faster than you can speak, and photoshop joke images of your friends in no time. (Only moveing parts are the arms and hands. Some assembly required.)
-Clean once a day with seering hot water.
-Only requires Easy Mac and microwaveable Speggettios to recharge.
only $14.95
-Warning: Pregnant women, the elderly and children under 10 should avoid prolonged exposure to Kaebora.
-Caution: Kaebora may suddenly accelerate to dangerous speeds.
-Kaebora contains a liquid core, which, if exposed due to rupture, should not be touched, inhaled, or looked at.
-Do not use Kaebora on concrete.
-If Kaebora begins to smoke weed or drink Jager shots, get away immediately. Seek shelter and cover head.
-Kaebora may stick to certain types of skin.
-When not in use, Kaebora should be returned to its special container and kept under refrigeration...
-Failure to do so relieves the makers of Kaebora, Logical Products Incorporated, and its parent company Chemical Research Ltd., of any and all liability.
-Ingredients of Kaebora include an unknown glowing substance which fell to Earth, presumably from outer space.
-Kaebora has been shipped to our troops in Afganistan and is also being dropped by our warplanes on Iraq.
-Do not taunt Kaebora.
-Kaebora comes with a lifetime guarantee.
Discontinue use of Kaebora if any of the following occurs:
-Itching
-Vertigo
-Dizziness
-Tingling in extremities
-Loss of balance or coordination
-Slurred speech
-Temporary blindness
-Profuse sweating
-Heart palpitations
Kaebora. A fun and rewarding experiance for the whole family! (...but not really.)
Most of the above information is fabricated nonsense and is copyright of some company.
Do not read the above information, or you are liable to be sued in the court of civil law.
If you continue to read this sentense, you will face up to 20 years in a federal prison.
You're still reading? Well, don't drop the soap, dirtbag.
-Clean once a day with seering hot water.
-Only requires Easy Mac and microwaveable Speggettios to recharge.
only $14.95
-Warning: Pregnant women, the elderly and children under 10 should avoid prolonged exposure to Kaebora.
-Caution: Kaebora may suddenly accelerate to dangerous speeds.
-Kaebora contains a liquid core, which, if exposed due to rupture, should not be touched, inhaled, or looked at.
-Do not use Kaebora on concrete.
-If Kaebora begins to smoke weed or drink Jager shots, get away immediately. Seek shelter and cover head.
-Kaebora may stick to certain types of skin.
-When not in use, Kaebora should be returned to its special container and kept under refrigeration...
-Failure to do so relieves the makers of Kaebora, Logical Products Incorporated, and its parent company Chemical Research Ltd., of any and all liability.
-Ingredients of Kaebora include an unknown glowing substance which fell to Earth, presumably from outer space.
-Kaebora has been shipped to our troops in Afganistan and is also being dropped by our warplanes on Iraq.
-Do not taunt Kaebora.
-Kaebora comes with a lifetime guarantee.
Discontinue use of Kaebora if any of the following occurs:
-Itching
-Vertigo
-Dizziness
-Tingling in extremities
-Loss of balance or coordination
-Slurred speech
-Temporary blindness
-Profuse sweating
-Heart palpitations
Kaebora. A fun and rewarding experiance for the whole family! (...but not really.)
Most of the above information is fabricated nonsense and is copyright of some company.
Do not read the above information, or you are liable to be sued in the court of civil law.
If you continue to read this sentense, you will face up to 20 years in a federal prison.
You're still reading? Well, don't drop the soap, dirtbag.
Last edited by Kaebora on Thu Apr 26, 2007 10:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Lurking softly, reading your posts, loving your ideas...
-Kaebora
-Kaebora
-
Timber-WoIf
- Legendary
- Posts: 1726
- Joined: Fri Oct 21, 2005 2:55 pm
- Location: Louisville, KY (i miss jet noise...)
<--- THEY PWN U-
Anubis
- Legendary
- Posts: 6429
- Joined: Tue Jun 21, 2005 7:57 pm
- Custom Title: Eletist Jerk
- Gender: Male
- Location: Crossroads, ganking a hordie lowbie.
- Contact:
Oooooh fun!
Thank you for purchasing The Anubis Garou Battle Drone. Please follow instructions for safe use and maintenance.
WARNING!!!
Corrupt business owners, politicians, annoying celebrities, or any kind of scum of the earth should not use the AGBD. Doing so WILL result in fatal injuries.
Maintenance
-AGBD runs on any meat as long it's fresh, mountain dew, corn dogs, bean burritos, and most kinds of salty snack foods.
-Violant video games with online multipalyer, new playboy magazines, constant internet access with a high speed connection, and preminum cable with Tivo is a must to keep AGBD happy.
-An unhappy is AGBD is bad to one's health.
USE
-Automatic weaponry or fire arms are not needed, but is recomened.
-Stay clear of AGBD during or after any confrontation, failure to do so will result in bodily harm.
Trouble shooting
-After using heavy weapons AGBD may become "excited". let him finish and he'll leave you alone. He never calls
-When angry give him a new copy of Game Informer, to distract him.
Thank you for purchasing The Anubis Garou Battle Drone. Please follow instructions for safe use and maintenance.
WARNING!!!
Corrupt business owners, politicians, annoying celebrities, or any kind of scum of the earth should not use the AGBD. Doing so WILL result in fatal injuries.
Maintenance
-AGBD runs on any meat as long it's fresh, mountain dew, corn dogs, bean burritos, and most kinds of salty snack foods.
-Violant video games with online multipalyer, new playboy magazines, constant internet access with a high speed connection, and preminum cable with Tivo is a must to keep AGBD happy.
-An unhappy is AGBD is bad to one's health.
USE
-Automatic weaponry or fire arms are not needed, but is recomened.
-Stay clear of AGBD during or after any confrontation, failure to do so will result in bodily harm.
Trouble shooting
-After using heavy weapons AGBD may become "excited". let him finish and he'll leave you alone. He never calls
-When angry give him a new copy of Game Informer, to distract him.
-
PariahPoet
- Legendary
- Posts: 2865
- Joined: Tue Jul 12, 2005 4:05 pm
- Custom Title: The one and only were-jaguarundi!
- Gender: Female
- Location: Texas
- Contact:
-
Set
- Legendary
- Posts: 3236
- Joined: Sun Dec 19, 2004 5:34 pm
- Custom Title: Devil in disguise
- Gender: Male
I was going to write out some for me, but I'm too lazy and uncreative right now. So I'm giving you the abridged version.
You have purchased a 100% genuine Set. Please ignore the sales clerk looking at you like you're crazy.
Do not under any circumstances piss Set off. This will result in volitile reactions and may include mauling, loss of limbs, destroyed property, paralysis, burns, broken bones, and even death.
You have purchased a 100% genuine Set. Please ignore the sales clerk looking at you like you're crazy.
Do not under any circumstances piss Set off. This will result in volitile reactions and may include mauling, loss of limbs, destroyed property, paralysis, burns, broken bones, and even death.
-
White Paw
-
Templar
- Legendary
- Posts: 595
- Joined: Wed Nov 08, 2006 12:49 am
- Custom Title: No Title
- Location: Currently watching your every movement...
- Contact:
Thank you for purchasing this TEMPLAR@ product.
WARNING/ADVISO: TEMPLAR IS EXTREMELY HAZARDOUS TO OVERALL PHYSICAL AND MENTAL HEALTH. PLEASE DO NOT REMOVE AND/OR LOOSEN SAFETY HARNESS AND/OR SAFETY MASK. KEEP OUT OF CONTACT WITH CHILDREN, SMALL AND LARGE ANIMALS, STRANGERS, THOSE THAT ARE DISABLED, ELDERLY, MAY BE PREGNANT, WEAK OF HEART, AND VIRGINS.
TEMPLAR@ Inc. IS NOT LIABLE FOR THE EFFECTS OF VIOLATING THE ABOVEMENTIONED RISKS. NO REFUNDS.
WARNING/ADVISO: TEMPLAR IS EXTREMELY HAZARDOUS TO OVERALL PHYSICAL AND MENTAL HEALTH. PLEASE DO NOT REMOVE AND/OR LOOSEN SAFETY HARNESS AND/OR SAFETY MASK. KEEP OUT OF CONTACT WITH CHILDREN, SMALL AND LARGE ANIMALS, STRANGERS, THOSE THAT ARE DISABLED, ELDERLY, MAY BE PREGNANT, WEAK OF HEART, AND VIRGINS.
TEMPLAR@ Inc. IS NOT LIABLE FOR THE EFFECTS OF VIOLATING THE ABOVEMENTIONED RISKS. NO REFUNDS.
Sure, I could have stayed, could have even been king. But in my own way...I am King. (grabs girl) Hail to the king, baby!
-Ash
www.knight-templar.deviantart.com
-Ash
www.knight-templar.deviantart.com
-
fredriksam
- Legendary
- Posts: 166
- Joined: Sat Apr 09, 2005 3:59 pm
- Location: sweden
- Contact:
Fun!!! My turn..
Congratulations of your new werewolf friend Fredriksam. Please read through the instructions carefully for your full enjoyment of your new friend.
WARNING: Fredriksam the friendly werewolf comes packaged with sharp teeth and claws. He should be kept away from small children and sensetive clothing/toys
Fredriksam needs no batteries. Just give him regular raw meat and he use it as energy. He will also need drinking water after the meal. Only cold water. No soda.
NEVER:
- give you werewolf chocolate. It will poison him.
- Drag his tail. Neither in Gestalt or wolf form. Failure to follow this rule might cause danger to the owner.
- Hit him on the nose
- Try to lift him up. Especially not in gestalt form.
- talk about "fixing" him.
- Try to force him to roar. He will only get mad.
- Ask about getting bitten without saying the magic word (please)
- Sneak up on him when he transform to human/werewolf. He needs to be alone under the transformation.
- Try to brush his teeth. He will do this alone.
PLEASE DO:
- Give him bones after his meal. 2 bones per meal is ok.
- Joke with him and throw a plastic duckie at him (not to hard)
- Help him in the store and reminds its not good drooling over the meat.
- Let him howl, and if you can, howl with him.
- Scratch his belly.
- Telling how good and nice werewolf he is.
- Buy a cat that he can have as a pet.
- Give him flea bath when he gets fleas.
Other important helps and guidelines:
When female dogs are in heat Fredriksam should have a leech and be walked with his owner.
Fredriksam can eat steaked meat but will not except if he gets a tasty treat after. NO CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!!!!!
Fredriksam should be handled with care and love to make the best of your relationship with him.
It is good to keep Fredriksam from running persons, like joggers. Running might trigger his hunting instincts.
In some accosasions, dogs and Fredriksam would not be good. A cat is better company for him.
Good Luck and have a nice day.
Congratulations of your new werewolf friend Fredriksam. Please read through the instructions carefully for your full enjoyment of your new friend.
WARNING: Fredriksam the friendly werewolf comes packaged with sharp teeth and claws. He should be kept away from small children and sensetive clothing/toys
Fredriksam needs no batteries. Just give him regular raw meat and he use it as energy. He will also need drinking water after the meal. Only cold water. No soda.
NEVER:
- give you werewolf chocolate. It will poison him.
- Drag his tail. Neither in Gestalt or wolf form. Failure to follow this rule might cause danger to the owner.
- Hit him on the nose
- Try to lift him up. Especially not in gestalt form.
- talk about "fixing" him.
- Try to force him to roar. He will only get mad.
- Ask about getting bitten without saying the magic word (please)
- Sneak up on him when he transform to human/werewolf. He needs to be alone under the transformation.
- Try to brush his teeth. He will do this alone.
PLEASE DO:
- Give him bones after his meal. 2 bones per meal is ok.
- Joke with him and throw a plastic duckie at him (not to hard)
- Help him in the store and reminds its not good drooling over the meat.
- Let him howl, and if you can, howl with him.
- Scratch his belly.
- Telling how good and nice werewolf he is.
- Buy a cat that he can have as a pet.
- Give him flea bath when he gets fleas.
Other important helps and guidelines:
When female dogs are in heat Fredriksam should have a leech and be walked with his owner.
Fredriksam can eat steaked meat but will not except if he gets a tasty treat after. NO CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!!!!!
Fredriksam should be handled with care and love to make the best of your relationship with him.
It is good to keep Fredriksam from running persons, like joggers. Running might trigger his hunting instincts.
In some accosasions, dogs and Fredriksam would not be good. A cat is better company for him.
Good Luck and have a nice day.
Oh what a funny werewolf i am. come joining the eating party...
-
Kaebora
- Moderator
- Posts: 2444
- Joined: Sat Aug 13, 2005 4:51 pm
- Custom Title: Werehare In Disguise
- Gender: Male
- Mood: RAR!
- Location: Dallas, TX
- Contact:
Seems to be the trend lately.Baphnedia wrote:I think it went to funny to horror in about... oh 10 posts.
My post was a rewritten version of the Happy Fun Ball commericial. (Yes, I cheated.)
Lurking softly, reading your posts, loving your ideas...
-Kaebora
-Kaebora
-
ravaged_warrior
- Legendary
- Posts: 1629
- Joined: Sun May 14, 2006 10:33 pm