I am surrounded by nothing but silence and my own thoughts.
Sometimes I just want to kill myself to stop the constant argueing that goes on in my head. All the time wasted worrying about what other people think and whether or not they should think that or would think that if they understood me better. All the time worrying about whether or not I am a selfish brat who deserves to have his throat slit. Worrying about whether or not my empathy and concern for other people are real or they are just an illusion and my existence means nothing.
I would say that I am crying on the inside but my mind would argue that I am just crying for attention and am acting childish. The fact that I really do occasionly toy around with thoughts of hurting myself are even more childish and if I can not correct them myself then I deserve to die.
Nobody should be kind to other people and I just need to shut up and watch the world die. Then my mind changes directions and says these are things SET* would say.
Making sense of this and discarding all of the false logic is killing me inside.
*Set before you say anything let it be known that this is false logic.
