Venting

[Baphnedia]

What... One Pun to Rule Them All?

I recently submitted ten puns to a radio contest. I didn't win. No pun in ten did.

[Terastas]

My mother always, and I mean always talks about how, if she had the money, she'd retire and try to balance it wisely so she could spend the rest of her life relaxing all day.

Well, today was her day off from her usual five day job, and she had absolutely nothing going in terms of real estate. Today was a day when she absolutely could have done nothing but sit around and relax. So what did she do?

Spend the whole day busting her hump (and mine) trying to rearrange all the furniture, of course.

Pisses me off. She always talks about how tired she is and how much she wants to take it easy, but whenever she has the opportunity to take it easy even for just a little while, she always winds up inventing work to be done.

What's worse is that, not only does she invent work that doesn't need to be done for herself, she gets pissed off beyond all reason because "she's doing all the work." I don't know if she is actually capable of deluding herself into believing that her pet projects are absolutely necessary to our survival, or if it just genuinely pisses her off to see someone who actually is perfectly capable of relaxing from time to time, but either way, it's really starting to grate on my nerves.

And she wonders why the days I dread the most are the days she spends at home. If she could actually take it easy like she always says she will, I wouldn't mind her company, but not if she's going to keep inventing this back-breaking unnecessary projects to occupy her time and keep getting pissed off because I'm not doing it for her.

At the very least she could stop scowling at me whenever she asks me to do something and I give her anything less than a used car salesman's creepy grin. It's bad enough that she makes up work for herself only to pass it on to me; it's an entire new level of Hell for me to be expected to love every minute of it.

The worst part of all is knowing that it's only a matter of time before she gets another day off, gets bored with the present scenery and decides to relocate everything all over again. She always asks my opinion and I always tell her I think it's fine the way it is. . . But I have a penis and she has a vagina, therefore she's always right and I'm always wrong, so if I say everything is fine where it is, that means everything is wrong and needs to be redone completely.

And the icing on the cake, of course, is that tomorrow she's going to be complaining that she has so much to do and never gets any time to relax once again. My life has effectively become a hellish version of Groundhog Day.

[Silverclaw]

lol
That sounds a lot like my mom.
She says she wants to relax but on weekends, she'll do a ton of stuff like garden work, painting the walls, cleaning, ect.
We gotta be careful to help some too or she might get mad and start ranting that she does everything around the house and we just relax all the time.
I think it must be a mom thing.

[Figarou]

I miss my mom.

And her cooking! She invites me over for supper every time I'm off. But she always makes to much food. She's like, "Have some more. Eat."

I'm like, "ok." NOM NOM NOM!

Then later she says, "you're getting fat."





Moms. Can't live with them, can't live without.

[Silverclaw]

I'm sorry for your loss Fig


*hugs*

[Terastas]

And her cooking! She invites me over for supper every time I'm off. But she always makes to much food. She's like, "Have some more. Eat."

I'm like, "ok." NOM NOM NOM!

Then later she says, "you're getting fat."

My mother has something similar, only instead of eating, it's clothes shopping.

Day 1:
Mom: "Those don't fit you anymore -- you need all new clothes."
Me: "Umm. . . Okay."

Day 2:
Mom: "Okay, you've got all new clothes -- that means I want you to Good Will all the old ones that don't fit you anymore."
Me: "Umm. . . Okay?"

Day 3:
Mom: "You wear a what now? You need to lose some weight!"

But we just bought all new clothes! And got rid of all the clothes that don't fit anymore.

She keeps "goal weight" outfits for herself too, so I know she knows it would have been a lot easier for me to be motivated to get in shape if I still had an entire wardrobe waiting for me to shrink down into it.

But I did lose weight -- I lost fifteen pounds while I was in Vegas (not because I was working out; because I couldn't ****ing afford to eat in that hellhole). Consequently, we're back at the "Good Will it" stage again.

*sigh* Happy pre-Mother's Day everybody!

[Baphnedia]

Sorry for your loss, Fig. What I guess is unclear, is, (and none of my business), was the loss recent or quite some time ago?

[Figarou]

Sorry for your loss, Fig. What I guess is unclear, is, (and none of my business), was the loss recent or quite some time ago?

http://www.paradice.net/phpbb/viewtopic ... 382&p=4991

[Baphnedia]

Oh... yeah. My memory is shot... and I know you miss her. *sigh*

I guess that's why I get these big disability paychecks...

[Bloodyredbaron]

I have a small roll in the school play, my last one before I'm off to bigger and better things.

The only problem is, I know everyone else's lines better than they do, it really seems like I'm the only one putting any effort into the play at all. Normally I wouldn't care, but I just spent the last two hours baking like a fish under the theater lights for a play that's only an hour long. I'm only really in every other scene, but those scenes took forever because at least half of the cast and crew have no idea what they're doing. And our director stops us every time someone so much as farts on stage to have a hissy fit.

I realize her job is hard and I know she's very passionate about it, but I'm about two degrees from spontaneous human combustion under a costume of fur while wielding a sword that can cut a bear in half. Cut me some slack.

I do so like coke though, though.

The soda, not the drug.

[Terastas]

Bloodyred, my advice to you would be to do one of the following:

A) Ask if, after one too many screw-ups, you can sit out of the lights and just read your lines so you don't have a heat stroke.
B) Ask/suggest that you be given a bigger role and/or multiple roles wherever applicable.
C) Content yourself with outperforming everyone around you and stealing the show.

I had to do a lot of theater stuff when I was in school too. There were anywhere between 10 to 15 students that did it every year, only three of which were regulars; myself, and two nitwits that I think were just fascinated by the whole red carpet / fashion trendsetting "Paris Hilton" lifestyle, and didn't actually have any real appreciation for the art. So since I gave more of a crap about the actual play than the rest of the cast and crew combined, I always ended up stealing the show no matter what kind of role they gave me (one time I even missed out on the lead in a play because the voice I'd used in a readthrough for a one-scene part had the director LOLing). It actually reached a point that, in my final year, those two Hiltonesque nitwits tried (and succeeded) to designate me "last one picked," meaning the guy who, by default, was assigned the last role in the production that absolutely nobody else wanted (I think they were sick of me getting all the attention afterward). And since they still gave the exact same kind of effort they'd given every other performance, I wound up stealing the show again anyway.

So my advice to you, in all seriousness, would be to tough it out, keep focused, and take comfort in the fact that, at the final curtain when you all go out to take a bow, you're the only one that won't be receiving a pity applause.

[Bloodyredbaron]

Bloodyred, my advice to you would be to do one of the following:

A) Ask if, after one too many screw-ups, you can sit out of the lights and just read your lines so you don't have a heat stroke.
B) Ask/suggest that you be given a bigger role and/or multiple roles wherever applicable.
C) Content yourself with outperforming everyone around you and stealing the show.

I had to do a lot of theater stuff when I was in school too. There were anywhere between 10 to 15 students that did it every year, only three of which were regulars; myself, and two nitwits that I think were just fascinated by the whole red carpet / fashion trendsetting "Paris Hilton" lifestyle, and didn't actually have any real appreciation for the art. So since I gave more of a crap about the actual play than the rest of the cast and crew combined, I always ended up stealing the show no matter what kind of role they gave me (one time I even missed out on the lead in a play because the voice I'd used in a readthrough for a one-scene part had the director LOLing). It actually reached a point that, in my final year, those two Hiltonesque nitwits tried (and succeeded) to designate me "last one picked," meaning the guy who, by default, was assigned the last role in the production that absolutely nobody else wanted (I think they were sick of me getting all the attention afterward). And since they still gave the exact same kind of effort they'd given every other performance, I wound up stealing the show again anyway.

So my advice to you, in all seriousness, would be to tough it out, keep focused, and take comfort in the fact that, at the final curtain when you all go out to take a bow, you're the only one that won't be receiving a pity applause.

Sadly, we're performing the play next week on Tuesday, and the directer feels that because it's so late in the game, and so few people have actually bothered to, you know, actually learn what to do, that she's going to shoot down any major change. So the only thing to do is to suck it up and lol at the fact that come Tuesday I'm going to be the only one on top of things.

[Terastas]

Oh. Well, Option C it is then. Please, be sure to let us know how it all goes.

Just out of curiosity, what's the play going to be anyway? I can't think of that many literary works that might involve furry costumes and a big-honkin' blades at the same time.

[Wingman]

Werewolf Jesus, of course, from the Anime Bible, the part where he battles his way through the undead hordes in order to rescue Princess Peach.

I totally vote for BRB doing that play rather than the one the rest of the group isn't preparing for.

[Wingman]

AHHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHH and RAGE.

Freaking guv'ment rejected my passport application, and kept the documents I sent with the application to verify my identity, which I kind of need if I ever want to verify my identity, such as if I ever apply for a passport again!

[PariahPoet]

Great. I don't get to be with my mate on my actual birthday today or next weekend when I have my party. His stupid family is taking him for both occasions. Today he has to spend all day in town for mother's day and next weekend he's driving to Dallas for his stupid second cousin's graduation. FML -_-

So righto, I can't even visit my parents because they're three hours away and I have no other friends. So I get to spend my entire birthday alone in my apartment. Yay me.

[silver1]

That has to suck.
Im starting to think that the school year will never end,my friend was right when he said senoir year would seem the longest,its really starting to get on my nerves off.

[MoonKit]

But I did lose weight -- I lost fifteen pounds while I was in Vegas (not because I was working out; because I couldn't ****ing afford to eat in that hellhole).

Well congrats on the losing weight! (even if it wasnt for a good reason)

[Bloodyredbaron]

We're doing Peter Pan.

No, really.

[Gevaudan]

We're doing Peter Pan.

No, really.

Are you Nana, the Crocodile, the Ostrich, the Lion, or the Kangaroo? Or two at the same time? Are you doubling as Captain Hook too? Yeesh, your show sounds rough.

[Bloodyredbaron]

We're doing Peter Pan.

No, really.

Are you Nana, the Crocodile, the Ostrich, the Lion, or the Kangaroo? Or two at the same time? Are you doubling as Captain Hook too? Yeesh, your show sounds rough.

I'm playing Slightly.

The director and I kind of decided on the fur from the beginning, but there is really no reason for that sword. It's fricking huge and it sticks out like a sore thumb, it's just there because it looks cool, really. And because it was decided that Slightly was the real bruiser of the Lost Boys. I did try out for Hook, though. I kind of tried to play him as a Magnificent Bastard *, the guy who's playing him now is playing him as a effeminate dumbass.

The play is tonight, and it's going to be hilarious.

* http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/M ... entBastard

[Gevaudan]

I'm playing Slightly.

The director and I kind of decided on the fur from the beginning, but there is really no reason for that sword. It's fricking huge and it sticks out like a sore thumb, it's just there because it looks cool, really. And because it was decided that Slightly was the real bruiser of the Lost Boys. I did try out for Hook, though. I kind of tried to play him as a Magnificent Bastard *, the guy who's playing him now is playing him as a effeminate dumbass.

The play is tonight, and it's going to be hilarious.

* http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/M ... entBastard

Lost Boys aren't supposed to have fur and a sword! That's for the animals and the pirates! But, eh, whatever you and the director are comfortable with. Slightly really is the bruiser, you're right.
HA! Our Hook was like yours too!

[Terastas]

Would someone mind explaining to me why flying a photograph of a dead baby behind a plane over the commencement address of Notre Dame is not considered indecent exposure? What if somebody had flown a picture of a dead soldier behind the plane when George W. Bush was there -- would that also have been in equally good taste?

I can bite my tongue and respect it if you're anti-abortion, but watching the news and seeing all those nasty little incubuses that drove across state lines just to make an offensive spectacle of the Notre Dame graduation. . . Honestly, they don't look like protesters so much as they remind me of the Phelps family piling into the van to go picket a funeral.

It wasn't even about abortion I don't think; it was a bunch of [expletive]s trying to make him look bad, though personally it just reminded me what it's like to be embarrassed to be an American once again.

Seriously, it's that kind of pious, pig-headed stupidity that got us in this mess in the first place. I wouldn't wish ill will upon those people, but I certainly wouldn't shed any tears if ill will befalls them either.

[silver1]

That is wrong on so many levels,how the hell could someone do that and still go to sleep at night? I don't know whos idea that was,but if you ask me i think they should have thier head examined,because they are most likly not firing on all cylinders if you know what i mean.

[Gevaudan]

Seriously, it's that kind of pious, pig-headed stupidity that got us in this mess in the first place. I wouldn't wish ill will upon those people, but I certainly wouldn't shed any tears if ill will befalls them either.

I agree. It was precisely this kind of hostility in the abortion debate that President Obama was talking about.

By the way, why was President Obama talking about abortion at a commencement speech?