Stanton's Big Checklist For Werewolf Movies

[Apokryltaros]

So, whenever I go watch a werewolf movie/show/-themed episode, I always have this little mental checklist of three criteria to check off. If at least one criterion is satisfied, then I leave the movie/show/-themed episode at least somewhat pleased.

The first and most important criterion to be satified is the transformation scene. If I find the transformation scene to be satisfying, then I'll suffer all sorts of viewer abuse. If I find the scene to be lacking, I'm very sorry Mr Brownrigg, but I will not hesitate to lambast ReQuest Entertainment in so scathing a manner, it will not only be so great a verbal crucifixicion, complete with shin-pounding, but my critique will be so unrelenting that Ebert and Ropert will summon Siskel's ghost to come and admonish me with "That wasn't a nice thing to say!"
But I digress...
What do I like in a werewolf transformation scene? To be to the point (sort of) I like seeing clothing being torn asunder by rippling, roiling flesh, with aforementioned flesh sprouting fur willy-nilly.
I want to stress that werewolves wearing intact clothing is an abomination in my eyes. Clothing worn by a changing werewolf is specifically made to be ripped into ribbons. Also, a simple computer-morph transformation is another abomination to my eyes. As such, when I finally saw that old saw in "The Howling: A New Moon Rising" change, I was as upset as when a PETA member finds out that there's a KFC opening in his neighborhood.
I also would prefer that the legs be shaped anatomically correct. When I watched "An American Werewolf in Paris", when I saw Seraphine's legs sprout extra joints, I nearly pulled my hair out, as these people had a huge budget, yet they didn't bother to do their homework.
I also prefer that, should the main character be a lycanthrope, infected, cursed, or otherwise, he/she should be shown transforming in an unobstructed manner, not that crap they did with Andy in AWIP, where he jumps into a fountain, or where they shifted point of view in the subway.
Since I know you will provide several transformation scenes, I need not speak of the horrors that await the fates of those werewolf movie makers who made werewolf movies WITHOUT SHOWING PEOPLE CHANGE INTO WEREWOLVES, and tried to make an excuse for it.
(at least, once they fall into my clutches)
One more thing:
I have always been a fan of pneumonic pumps in transformation scenes. Had they used some when Ted was changing in "Bad Moon," well, then, I would have decided that that scene would have equalled, if not surpassed what was done in "The Howling."

Another criterion is to have an aesthetically pleasing werewolf that actually looks like a wolf. There is a reason why I always have the tape I recorded "An American Werewolf In London" wound to the part where David starts changing. That's because I don't want to look at the obese wolverine he changes into. And that the morons who did AWIP took that and turned it into hideous, mutant monkey-lion-bastards is simply salt on my wounds. While I did like "Buffy the Vampire Slayer," I hated watching the episodes concerning Oz and the full moon. The fact that they had him turn into this ugly dog-monkey Lawrence Talbot descendant continues to make me everso pissed. I don't want to watch the latest Harry Potter movie: Lupin looks like the anemic, emiciated lovechild between a rat, and an ugly pitbull that's had one too many enemas.

My final criterion is to have competent actors. Looking at the genre of werewolf movies, though, I might as well be wishing for Catherine Zeta Jones to run away with me to Acapulco so I can have her love child.
But, competent acting was what made me a fan of AWIL, and competent acting was what saved me from verbally crucifying the makers of "Wolf." In AWIP, it was obvious that they were trying too hard to to be funny, and that helped me to think it was more than simply abysmal.
And for one thing, I do not consider pissy one-liners to be competent acting.


And if the movie involves vampires vs werewolves, I have one extra criterion:
Please, for the love of puppies, don't have werewolf vampire hybrids! Theyare one of the few things on this Earth that equal reality tv shows in corniness and dorkyness.[/i]

[ABrownrigg]

(SALUTES)

... Understood sir.

Anthony Brownrigg

[Apokryltaros]

So, you're not mad that I built a rotisserrie with your name on it just in case?

[ABrownrigg]

I go well with K.C. Masterpiece, but others have told me I'm much better with a simple A-1 or Heinz 57.

[Figarou]

For some strange reason, this thread made me very hungry.

*goes to kitchen and raids the fridge.*

*yells from kitchen*

"No wall climbing!!"

Clothing worn by a changing werewolf is specifically made to be ripped into ribbons.

Ah!! But have we forgot something. There is one part of the clothing that has an elastic band. The underwear!! The werewolf will be so embarrassed when all the clothes rip but the underwear.

"Oh bugger!! I knew I should've worn boxer shorts instead of briefs!!"



he he laugh laugh chuckle chuckle

[Apokryltaros]

I go well with K.C. Masterpiece, but others have told me I'm much better with a simple A-1 or Heinz 57.

Well, I plan to either have a roast in your honor, or have you as a roast for my honor...

Clothing worn by a changing werewolf is specifically made to be ripped into ribbons.

Ah!! But have we forgot something. There is one part of the clothing that has an elastic band. The underwear!! The werewolf will be so embarrassed when all the clothes rip but the underwear.

"Oh bugger!! I knew I should've worn boxer shorts instead of briefs!!"

HA!! Make that into a T-shirt!!

he he laugh laugh chuckle chuckle

Ha ha ha ha...
"Underwearwolf"

[ShadowWolf]

And if the movie involves vampires vs werewolves, I have one extra criterion: Please, for the love of puppies, don't have werewolf vampire hybrids!

Ah, Underworld... I did have hopes for that movie. But that's beside the point. When it comes to that part, I just tell people that it isn't a hybrid, just a vamp with even worse skin and a bad manicure.

Theyare one of the few things on this Earth that equal reality tv shows in corniness and dorkyness.[/i]

*clears throat* "This is the true story, of five vampires, and five werewolves. Picked to live in a house, to show what happens when they stop being nice, and start being real. The Real Underworld!" [/parody]
(Sorry, couldn't help it )

"No wall climbing!!"

That part made me roll my eyes too... though not nearly has much has when they started crawling on the ceiling

[ANTIcarrot.]

I need not speak of the horrors that await the fates of those werewolf movie makers who made werewolf movies WITHOUT SHOWING PEOPLE CHANGE INTO WEREWOLVES, and tried to make an excuse for it.

Aliens was a good science fiction film and they didn't how the alien until the very end. In fact it was a good film BECAUSE they didn't show it until the end. There should be a get out clause for some occasions where dramatic tension requires it.

With reguards to the multiple change rule I would add a coupld of clauses:
A) One of the changes MUST show it happening in reverse.
B) The changes shown should contain enough real variety to justify their screen time.

You could have, say, someone changing without knowing they're a werewolf. Then dreading the comming change. Then having accepted or even embraced the change.

ANTIcarrot.

[Apokryltaros]

I need not speak of the horrors that await the fates of those werewolf movie makers who made werewolf movies WITHOUT SHOWING PEOPLE CHANGE INTO WEREWOLVES, and tried to make an excuse for it.

Aliens was a good science fiction film and they didn't how the alien until the very end. In fact it was a good film BECAUSE they didn't show it until the end. There should be a get out clause for some occasions where dramatic tension requires it.

With reguards to the multiple change rule I would add a coupld of clauses:
A) One of the changes MUST show it happening in reverse.
B) The changes shown should contain enough real variety to justify their screen time.

You could have, say, someone changing without knowing they're a werewolf. Then dreading the comming change. Then having accepted or even embraced the change.

ANTIcarrot.

I wouldn't mind a change at the end of the movie, SO LONG AS THERE IS A CHANGE SCENE somewhere in the movie. However, I'm not so sure that other people would be so patient.
What I was originally refering to in the rant in Criterion #1, was how, in that abomination of a crappy B movie, "Dog Soldiers," it was QUITE OBVIOUS that it was necessary to the plot to show the soldier transforming into a werewolf, and yet, they said that it wasn't necessary to have shown anyone transforming.
If I watch a werewolf movie, and I find out that they don't show anyone change, well, that's when I get out the kindling and mallet.

[Figarou]

With reguards to the multiple change rule I would add a coupld of clauses:
A) One of the changes MUST show it happening in reverse.

Say no more.

B) The changes shown should contain enough real variety to justify their screen time.

I hated the shift scene in the 1st Howling movie. Took to long. Had enough time to get up and make a sandwich. Since there is going to be more than one werewolf in this movie, they could select different parts of the body to show while shifting. The foot on one, several body parts on others. Be selective. Don't show the same shift over and over throughout the film.

You could have, say, someone changing without knowing they're a werewolf. Then dreading the comming change. Then having accepted or even embraced the change.


ANTIcarrot.

Yes, but what will cause that change? Emotion? Rage? Full moon?

[Figarou]

I wouldn't mind a change at the end of the movie, SO LONG AS THERE IS A CHANGE SCENE somewhere in the movie. However, I'm not so sure that other people would be so patient

If I have to wait until the end of the movie to see an awesome werewolf or even a shift change, I'm going to be "Highly disappointed!!"

[Vuldari]

With reguards to the multiple change rule I would add a coupld of clauses:
A) One of the changes MUST show it happening in reverse.
B) The changes shown should contain enough real variety to justify their screen time.

You could have, say, someone changing without knowing they're a werewolf. Then dreading the comming change. Then having accepted or even embraced the change.

Exactly.

Yes, but what will cause that change? Emotion? Rage? Full moon?

I'd say, biochemical stimulation. Either a sudden burst of adrenaline, conciuous effort, or if no change has occured for a long time, a slow accumulation of WW hormones in the body would set off the change at an unexpected time whenever the hormone level happens to peak.

*one werewolf to another as one begins to change for no apparent reason* "What are you Doing?!..." "I can't help it...it...*grrrr*...it's been over a week since my last shift."

[Vuldari]

I wouldn't mind a change at the end of the movie, SO LONG AS THERE IS A CHANGE SCENE somewhere in the movie. However, I'm not so sure that other people would be so patient

If I have to wait until the end of the movie to see an awesome werewolf or even a shift change, I'm going to be "Highly disappointed!!"

Okay...the Super Bold type is getting really old.

[Figarou]

Okay...the Super Bold type is getting really old.

Well, there is always this option.

[akujiwolf]

interesting dialogue, and lots of BIG PRETTY LETTERS!!!!! but good comments and ideas.

[Silver]

When I read the bit about underwear wolf, I laughed so loud I scared my dog, and I almost fell off my chair. Now, I can understand why you don't want it in a movie, but OMG wouldn't it be funny?

Ok, sigh, (wipes tears of laughter from her face and takes a drink). What a great scene it would be.

But no, we're doing what we can to balance Underwear wolf with XXXXboobawolf. It seems to me to be the trickiest part of the flick.

[Figarou]

When I read the bit about underwear wolf, I laughed so loud I scared my dog, and I almost fell off my chair. Now, I can understand why you don't want it in a movie, but OMG wouldn't it be funny?

Ok, sigh, (wipes tears of laughter from her face and takes a drink). What a great scene it would be.

But no, we're doing what we can to balance Underwear wolf with XXXXboobawolf. It seems to me to be the trickiest part of the flick.

Who said I didn't want that in the movie?

he he!!

Its the wall climbing I can't stand.

[Goldenwolf]

Okay, it had to be done.



No, I didn't do this, an artist named Shoomlah did it a few years ago. Too damned funny

[Apokryltaros]

Okay, it had to be done.



No, I didn't do this, an artist named Shoomlah did it a few years ago. Too damned funny

A) It needs more lace, and frills.
and
B) I'm afraid to wear it, lest I be overcome by a horrifically demented urge to wear it backwards...

[Scott Gardener]

On ripping and shredding clothing:

If someone is a lycanthrope already and knows what one is, and furthermore knows when shapeshifts are going to come or can shift at will, then it follows that one would dress accordingly. A werewolf who expects to shift into a form where clothing can't fit anymore likely wouldn't just rip up one's clothes just to look dramatic every single time. Rather, I'd expect one to keep one or more hiding places in the woods.

It made for a dramatic moment in my mind in my own story, when one of the other characters decided to try to find out where my lead character was going, only to find the pile of clothes hidden in the woods. It's almost like finding someone's skin, wondering what's normally kept inside that is now wandering loose...

Still, clothes might get ripped in someone undergoing an unexpected shift. (Today's Thursday!?! That means the full moon is... Oh, bugger...)

On the use of Large Print:

(Hands over a mobile phone) Too much static? We at Sprint have built the only all digital...

On Goldenwolf's "Underwere":

Pure genius; what can I say?

[Figarou]

Okay, it had to be done.

http://www.goldenwolfen.com/temp/wereundies.jpg

No, I didn't do this, an artist named Shoomlah did it a few years ago. Too damned funny

HA HA! Alright Goldenwolf!! She is my kind of gal!! Lots of humor in her!!

Lets mass market this item!! Pack-Were Under-Were!!

Still, clothes might get ripped in someone undergoing an unexpected shift. (Today's Thursday!?! That means the full moon is... Oh, bugger...)

One must remember what is being worn if an unexpected shift occurs.

"Oh bugger!!! I forgot I was wearing my best suit!!!"

HE HE!! You guys are killing me!!!

[Silverfang]

This is classic stuff, when i saw that picture, i was grinning maniclly for about an hour, after nearly falling out of my seat.

Just one thing, what happens if someone saw them:



Random guy walks in and looks at the werewolf in underwere before falling about laughing


"Aw sod it" *Munch munch* "Needs salt"

[lupinsmile]

I would ware some tight leather shorts after the change. The Girls at the clubs would go WILD! Mabey a Hemp necklace too.

[CrewWolf]

Ah, Shoomlah. I love her style

[Silverfang]

I would ware some tight leather shorts after the change. The Girls at the clubs would go WILD! Mabey a Hemp necklace too.

:shock: YEeeoooowwwww thats gonna hurt when this happens leather DOESN'T stretch... and for guys that ends in OW ow ow