Relationships and hard questions

Darth Canis · Post by **Darth Canis** » Tue Apr 18, 2006 11:15 pm

Allright well, first off this is very hard for me to do. I don't usually come out in the open to people about very intimate things in my life but i want to hear everyone elses opinions and stories. Please if you can't be mature about this don't post. Allright well here it goes.

I just recently broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years. Now being back into the dating game is very intimidating for me. I can be shy around guys i don't know and am very wary of most of them to begin with. I usually look for similar interests and values when i want to date a guy. The values thing is whats bugging me i guess. I am a 21 year old chick living in a college town soon to be moving to a town with a college built around a navy base. Values aren't somthing alot of people seem to be looking for anymore when they date. By values i guess indirectly what i am talking about is sex. Yeah i am a virgin, i am proud of it yet ashamed at the same time. Should i be? No i shouldn't! But it seems to be holding me back cuz i don't know if i will feel comfortable dating anyone that isn't. I think that part of me will always hold that against him. I don't have these values becuase of religous reasons or anything its just how i personally feel i think when you make the commitment with someone its almost a commitment as deep as marriage. Am i the only one out there who feels like this anymore? Most of my friends don't seem to. I guess i believe in the whole soul-mate thing, i just hope i am not building my hopes up to get hurt.

Please let me know your stories, how do you feel on these subjects. Am i misguided in my beliefs or are there really people still out there just like me looking for this. I guess i just want to know that i am not alone.

Hamster · Post by **Hamster** » Wed Apr 19, 2006 12:28 am

I myself am a virgin (Well, I am a virgin to the sence that I never WILLINGLY had sex) and I plan to be until I find the right person. I have a boyfriend and I care for him very much but he is always pressuring me to have sex. Almost to the point of us almost breaking up a couple months back. Kinda separated in a way and I found another. I grew to like him very much...almost more then my boyfriend and have thought about giving it to him. I had talks with many people and decided to break it off with this guy (we are still really close friends) and give Rick another chance. Rick admitted to cheating on me a couple times during our separation but we forgave each other and we are still together. He promised to leave me alone about sex until I'm ready.

Well, like me, your problem is that you haven't found the right one to be with. It maybe be hard but you will find the right one. Though you were with your boyfriend for two years, I really don't think you thought he was the one. Not only for sex but to marry as well.

Silverfang · Post by **Silverfang** » Wed Apr 19, 2006 3:22 am

I know i've not posted that much as of late but this subject is a touchy one and one that i feel i've got to say something about.
What you're doing isn't wrong, it's fine to hold off till you find someone you're truely comfortable with before you become intermate, I'll admit i've not had a serious relationship since i was 15 (Now 23) and even then it never even got as far as the whole sex issue, so yeah you can guess i'm pretty much in the same boat.
What i'm trying to say is ok maybe you're missing out on something, but then again waiting till you find the RIGHT person can make it a whole world better when it comes to it, sex without love is meaninless (thats my opinion anyway) and love doesn't have to involve it but when the 2 combine, it does become something that is almost impossible to break.

Or then again i could be barking up the wrong tree

Renorei · Post by **Renorei** » Wed Apr 19, 2006 11:22 am

Personally, I'm abstinent...meaning I've decided that I will not have sexual intercourse until marriage. I've chosen this for a number of reasons...including religious reasons, emotional reasons, and also health reasons (approximately half of all sexually active people between 15 and 24 have an STD...sex in this day and age has the potential to be not only emotionally damaging, but also deadly). Also, I've seen sex have severe emotional and physical effects on my friends who are sexually active, so I think that for me, abstinence is the best choice.

The problem that I'm facing is that, even though religion is a part of the reason why I'm abstinent, I'm not a very religious person. I don't go to church, I don't go to bible studies, and I'm not active in any of the religious groups on campus. As a result, I pretty much NEVER meet guys who are abstinent too. It seems as though most people who choose abstinence do so for religious reasons, and since I'm never around religious people, I never encounter abstinent guys. So, I've come to the conclusion that if I actually want to meet an abstinent guy, I'm going to have to start going to the BCM or NCM, or be active in the college group of one of the local churches.

I hate to say it, but the concept of assigning a very heavy value to sex (whether it be through abstinence, or through waiting until one is emotionally ready) is far more prevalent among girls than guys. And even IF a guy does want to wait until he's ready, guys are typically emotionally ready for sex WAY before the girl is...an unfortunate reality. If you want to find a guy who shares the same views of sex as you do, you might have to start looking in places where guys like that actually are...in religious groups.

That's what I intend to do, hopefully I'll get lucky.

Anubis · Post by **Anubis** » Wed Apr 19, 2006 3:24 pm

Well this is what i'm going to say about this very sencitive subject.
Ans these are my views on this and you may go by them if you wish i'm only putting in my two cents.

Personaly I'm waiting for marrage before i have an intimate relationship with some one. I think sex is very special and sacrid thing to do. (feeling like an after school special right now) It WILL be more special when you share you body with some one you really love. If you do that before you even met that special some one it could ruien things for you and who ever you decide to spend your life with.

And all that hype about casual sex, is nothing but hot air and lies. It makes people confused, and ruiens lives with pregnacies. And that guy you think he loves you. could just said all of that crap just to get in your pants. Leaving you feel used (i know i've seen this happen with some wemen in my life, and it's not good).

And being a virgin you shouldn't be ashamed of. People respect people with those values (I know I do). I'm saying save it for your wedding night, you will have no regrets if you do.

I hope you find this helpful Darth canis.

Darth Canis · Post by **Darth Canis** » Wed Apr 19, 2006 9:56 pm

Thanks guys it really makes me feel good to see others that share the feelings i do. Its really helped me out, it was hard for me to do but i am glad i did. Thanks again.

Hamster · Post by **Hamster** » Wed Apr 19, 2006 11:00 pm

What did you expect us to say? "Babe, You need to loose it! Come on, Give a guy a little something!"

Teh_DarkJokerWolf · Post by **Teh_DarkJokerWolf** » Wed Apr 19, 2006 11:37 pm

I personally find it very commendable that you are a virgin

Howl to ya!! My experineces with it were purely out of curiousity and because everyone said I should try it. I always thought I would wait, until I was married, but I lost mines at the young age of 15 and pressure from others didn't help and I was having my own issues with acceptance and self-esteem.

I thought this would help, but it really dosen't, but ah well we all make our mistakes in life and lucky for me I didn't catch anything. So anyhow I never have really been in a real realationship and I really can't say I care to much about it right now, but if one should come along, who knows. I am quite content being alone at the present

Darth Canis · Post by **Darth Canis** » Thu Apr 20, 2006 4:37 pm

That is funny hamster i guess i didn't really expect anyone to say that but still seeing it just makes me feel better. Thanks for sharing your story as well sabre!