THE PACK Message Boards

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translation of last post:
figarou wished for this [the previous] post to be in all english text and only contain the letters b, h, i, p, k, l, and s. unfortunately, nobody can understand it, thus he forces me to double post with a translation directly after this post. this enrages several members, and they come over to my house to kill me. i explain the situation to them and direct them to figarou's house.

i wish figarou a slow and painful death at their hands

celtwolf wrote:translation of last post:
figarou wished for this [the previous] post to be in all english text and only contain the letters b, h, i, p, k, l, and s. unfortunately, nobody can understand it, thus he forces me to double post with a translation directly after this post. this enrages several members, and they come over to my house to kill me. i explain the situation to them and direct them to figarou's house.

You need to go back and take a closer look at my wish.

I said "doesn't use the following letters......"

celtwolf wrote:i wish figarou a slow and painful death at their hands

Wish granted. I'm dead. But I come back as a ghost and haunt you for the rest of your life. BOO!!!!


.sdrawkcab saw tsop txen eht hsiw I

Wish granted.

Your wish has corrupted the universe. The Earth explodes. Universe explodes. There is nothing left but total darkness. Life ends.
Can't go any further than that.


I wish my spot was tops!!

Celtwolf: And you said my wish was getting screwier!

I was kind of looking forward to having my wish grow in size over time into a big, bulky, absurd three page dissertation, but, if my wish escalation goes against the whole spirit of the thing, I'll stick with simpler wishes.

Anyhow:

Figarou:

I wish my spot was tops!!

Wish granted! You're the top poster on a web site called "The Pack," and you're so far ahead that no one can possibly catch up with you. How is that a corruption of a wish? Because, being already true, you've wasted the opportunity to wish for things like curing every disease in the world, inventing faster than light travel, or becoming like Superman. You come out of your wish in the same darn reality you left.

OK, my next wish: I wish I could post an overly grandiose wish, that includes the word "fish," and involves giving a brief discussion of the mating habits of the praying mantis, most well known for the bizarre habit of cannibalism, in which the female mantis devours the male shortly after mating, though this does not occur in all species, and furthermore involves random numbers like 476; 209,543,001; and 629.47333333, but avoids references to any particular household appliance, though laptop computers do not count.

scott wished that he could post an overly grandiose wish, that includes the word "fish," and involves giving a brief discussion of the mating habits of the praying mantis, most well known for the bizarre habit of cannibalism, in which the female mantis devours the male shortly after mating, though this does not occur in all species, and furthermore involves random numbers like 476; 209,543,001; and 629.47333333, but avoids references to any particular household appliance, though laptop computers do not count.

i grant his wish by giving him permission to do so. though, by doing so, he get's a cramp in his finger and drives himself entirely insane. and who likes to heve their finger cramp up?

i wish i had the ability to dance

celtwolf wrote: i wish i had the ability to dance

Granted.











I wish the next post had a short story about a wolf, deer, and coconut creme pie.

the sad thing is that that's not much of a corruption TT-TT

Figarou wrote: I wish the next post had a short story about a wolf, deer, and coconut creme pie.

Granted!

Once upon a time, in a land not within driving distance of Figarou's house, there was a wolf, that lived alone in a cottage, who had a neighbor, a doe, who lived in a equally nice cottage, and made coconut creme pies.

One day the wolf went next door and bought a pie from his neighbor, and he ate the pie, and liked it. He liked it so much so much, he married the deer, and moved in with her.

Not long after that, they had a bunch of deer-wolf kids, some looked like wolves with antlers and hooves, while others looked like deer with lots of sharp pointy teeth and long bushy wolf tails.

and they all ravenously craved coconut creme pies, and were very happy

the end?

I wish the next person that posts be infected with a strain of lycantropy that would turn them into a werewolf opposite their own gender

celtwolf wrote:the sad thing is that that's not much of a corruption TT-TT

Oh come on!!

Just imagine yourself in the middle of the dance floor with a big belly flopping around making funny noises like a hot water bottle.

Ronkonkoma:

I wish the next person that posts be infected with a strain of lycantropy that would turn them into a werewolf opposite their own gender

Wish granted!

Figarou, who was the last person to post after that, gets beamed up by aliens and infected with a very bizarre form of lycanthropy that turns him into a her when he/she shifts.

Being very put out about having such a bizarre therianthropic transgender affliction, he/she remembers who wished it upon him/her.

Plotting with the aliens, Figarou lays out a plan of vengence, and one that is suitably Figarouish in nature.

You are abducted by the same aliens and transformed into a wereduck. Figarou then hurls you at his next greatest adversary.



OK, I think I've got one. I wish to be at the beach.

Sure^^ wish granted...Alas you failed to specify a location sooo: You are transported to an antarctic beach which is (with wind chill) a scorching 44'c BELOW 0 and subsequently freeze.

I wish to be able to blend in with my surroundings like a camelion

Prowler wrote:I wish to be able to blend in with my surroundings like a camelion

GRanted! Prowler can blend in with surroundings like a cameleon! but the only thing that can blend in with their surroundings like a cameleon is a cameleon, so Prowler is transformed into a cameleon, which is captured and sold in a pet store to Scott Gardener and gets to eat bugs for the rest of his happy lizardy life!

I wish Figarou was a were-coyote, Scott Gardener a weretiger, Celtwolf a werewolf, Prowler a were-bear, and Vilkacis a were-hyena, and they all have to be roommates for a year in a twisted were-version of MTV's The Real World

hehem thanks for the werewolfity!
your wish is granted, and all of us become the specified were-species. unfortunately, the show is cancelled after two episodes because i keep on sniffing the others, fig keeps asking me to bite him so he can be a werewolf, scott get's drunk and scratches all of the furniture to bits, prowler accidently went into a gay biker bar and dissapeared for a week then came back with his fur shaved off in weird patterns, and vilkalkisdoesn't do anything interesting, well more interesting than normal.

i wish that that actually happened!

Figarou wrote:

celtwolf wrote:the sad thing is that that's not much of a corruption TT-TT

Oh come on!!

Just imagine yourself in the middle of the dance floor with a big belly flopping around making funny noises like a hot water bottle.

that's my point, i WOULD do that.

celtwolf wrote:hehem thanks for the werewolfity!
your wish is granted, and all of us become the specified were-species. unfortunately, the show is cancelled after two episodes because i keep on sniffing the others, fig keeps asking me to bite him so he can be a werewolf, scott get's drunk and scratches all of the furniture to bits, prowler accidently went into a gay biker bar and dissapeared for a week then came back with his fur shaved off in weird patterns, and vilkalkisdoesn't do anything interesting, well more interesting than normal.

i wish that that actually happened!

Done! The show is advertised accross MTV and is a huge flop. We're all fired, our money taken away because we're classed as animals and then sold to the highest bidder to recover MTV's losses. Our new owner (a rich lunatic fan) turns us into wall decorations in a creepy celeb stalker basement shrine.

I wish i had a watch that worked

Wish granted, next to your desk is the new wrist mounted sundial, sport edition.

I wish Scott's book would get published.

Petard wrote:Wish granted, next to your desk is the new wrist mounted sundial, sport edition.

I wish Scott's book would get published.

Wish Granted! Scott's book is published and becomes a huge booming success that makes Scott millions and millions of dollars. Soon the overwhelming popularity causes Scott to make a movie that also does very well. but all this popularity also draws eccentric fans to follow Scott where ever he goes, and watch him constantly and try to take pictures of him whenever he steps outside or doesn't have the binds down on his windows, eliminating almost all of Scott's privicy he has.

I wish a mad scientist would experiment on the next person that posts using stem cells and DNA from a hyena

Wish granted!

Oh, and, thanks, Petard, for wishing for my novel.

Anyhow, in keeping with Ronkonkoma's wish, I get nabbed by secret members of an underground science group and get transformed into a werehyena. I discover that the scientist responsible did this to me in part because of an obsession with therianthropy and in part because of an inordinate fascination with Siouxsie and the Banshees. Then, I am set loose on the world, and I bite others, who bite others, until everyone on Earth is infected, and the echoing laughter of hyena sounds echoes through all the cities of Earth.

OK, I've got another one. I wish to be as rich as Bill Gates. (I'm sure he's sick and tired of being in all these genies and wish rings dropping in, prodding him about the details of his life.)

Wish granted.

Scott becomes as rich as Bill Gates...for about three seconds, then the stock market crashes. He and the rest of America lose everything and end up being plunged into another Great Depression. As a result another country comes in, kicks America's a** and takes over.

I wish my natural eye color was red.

Wish granted! You die and come back undead, with your eyes glowing a spooky red. Your body is gradually decomposing, and werewolves apologize for calling you "meatloaf" when they undergo painful first transformations.

OK, I wish for wings. (I'm surprised no one has wished to fly yet, given how subconscious this wish is.)

Scott Gardener wrote:OK, I wish for wings. (I'm surprised no one has wished to fly yet, given how subconscious this wish is.)

*Ding-dong!*

What's that? Oh, it's the pizza boy with your complementary sample of buffalo wings. Enjoy. He knocks over your lawn gnome on the way out.

I wish I had an evil lawn gnome for my own yard. With big, pointy teeth. GRR.



-- Vilkacis

Done Vilkacis, your lawn now has a super evil evil gnome with nasty looking teeth. This causes competition with a jelous neibour and you compeate to have the most evil looking garden ornaments, it all ends when your rival gets fed up and beats you to death with a Horseshoe Evil Eye Wall Ornament.

I wish for a...er...umm...a jeweled scepter!

Wish granted! You get a beautiful jeweled scepter, encrusted with emeralds and made of gold. It's got a curse on it, however, which you discover the following day. It's an animated artifact that abruptly comes to life and clobbers you to death before dropping to the ground, awaiting the next sucker to wish for a rare, exotic, valuable stick.

I wish for... a shrubbery! (ominous chord)