I'm really grateful that my friends and acquaintances are telling me not to give up on trying to make a game by myself. Really grateful. I s*** you not.
But I think I really should just give it all up.
I'm the type of artist who's all brawn and no brains, ergo I can actually draw a decent smut pic in less than an hour (which i actually did 2 weeks ago), but I can't program a f*** engine from scratch unless I use software such as Multimedia Fusion 2 and Game Maker, because wouldn't you know it, every programming parameter had to be written in moonspeak and not translated for the common idiot to understand. What, do you have to come up with initially illegible gibberish like "relative to", "events", "collisions", "alterative value" or whatever so that you'd spare the world the repeating of the video game crash of 1983? Or did you come up with those terms just so that you'd appease an approval committee that marks the performance of software based on how cryptically it speaks?
And even with user-friendly software like those, I also get lost in them because they have similar behaviours. Know what that means? That means i have to rely on other people for help, in the form of tutorials, as informative and as demonstrative as possible, and not a tutorial with walls and walls of text. First thing that should come to your mind about that would be youtube videos, right? Yeah, same here. So all should be swell with the video tutorials, right?
Nope. I'll tell you why.
The game that i want to design is a bit complicated, see. Allow me to run it down in several criterias:
- Perspective:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eEuOi8Z-6hE
- Gameplay:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P-2JYFwTgXo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0yjBtKMf50
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1aRfyAkryaE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EYk0Pu6L1_E
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=28BdviyRZt8 (just the item crafting)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0EoP8MEYAek (again, just the item crafting)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5DAcEuPRFx0 (item crafting again)
Alright, I think you get where i'm trying to get at here. But you know what, tutorials for those kinds of games?
THEY DON'T EXIST. And the handfuls that are close to the criterias I had were too simplistic, and there weren't any advanced tutorials on specific things. On one hand, I can't blame them, because I'm sure some of them don't know jack on how to make something so professional and complex. But on the other hand, i DO blame them, because some of them are completely oblivious to these games, or think it's just too plain s*** for them to acknowledge.
What are the tutorials available? The most tutorials available for MMF2 or Game Maker are tutorials on how to make platforming games. PLATFORMING GAMES. My f*** god, Mario, what have you done? Then there's the RTS tutorials, and the megaman tutorials, and the contra tutorials, and R-type tutorials that don't even look deep enough into diversifying weapons apart from a simple burst of bullets flying in a single file.
*sigh*
Trust me, I've tried looking. Looking for things like how to make a machine gun with a delayed interval between bullets or the classic Contra spread shot. From google to youtube to even random people at IRC. No such luck. They either don't know, something i can't blame them for a lot of the time, or they tell me to start learning f*** C++ on the fly. "Big surprise, making games means you have to know how to program. Start getting your hands dirty", he says.
You know something? Doing that takes time that
I DON'T HAVE. Didn't hear that right? TIME THAT I DON'T HAVE.
If you had suggested me that while I was still in school and not while I'm already expelled from the s*** local educational system, I WOULD'VE HAD A CHANCE, in exchange for the talent in art that i've refined in the sanctity of my own s*** i called a bedroom for a span of 5 years. Go on ahead and lecture me for hours on end about the malvirtue of sloth. I've already dug myself way too deep in a hole where I've stuck myself in a single spectrum while bitching about how games these days just miss all the criterias i've made, with some games making me feel like it's laughing at me whenever it does miss one of my criterias.
That reminds me... WHY am i so desperate in making a game by myself?
Like I said, I'm tired of games being oversaturated with crap that doesn't fit with me 100%. Games i play fit in with me 80%, 90%, 94%, but NOT ONCE was it 100%. And as I've mentioned, some of them play like as if it's mocking the s*** out of me when it knows that it didn't fit in with me. To hell with your Gears of Bore, America, and to hell with your Stale Fantasy, Japan, both of you are at fault for making me look like the most selfish and materialistic little prick in the face of the earth. At least when I'm making my own game I get to monitor what's wrong with the gameplay so that in the end, it wouldn't feel stiff and still have a few more innovations fit in here and there.
Another reason is that I want to make a game with my OWN independent design, with minimal feedback from other people. I have seen far too much of the negativity within user feedback. Have you seen the arguments about what should and shouldn't be in a video game they all get foamy about? "LOL I WANT ANOTHER 10 SHOTOS FOR STREET FIGHTER 5" or "NONONO NO REAL-TIME COMBAT, I ONLY WANT TO MOVE WITH THE CLICK OF A MOUSE COS ANYTHING ELSE WOULDN'T MAKE IT AN ARR TEE ESS", or what about "LOL UR A NOOB, AOE AND ELEMENTAL SHOTS ARE THE COOLEST EVAR!!". And don't get me started about the hundred-page debates going on in Diablo 3 about what should stay and what should go. It's just disgusting and sad for me to read through.
The other major reason is that I'm really tired of having to switch back and forth between games to sate my hunger for gaming. I can play Contra 4 and enjoy its extreme difficulty, but no, I can't enjoy the way it's being presented because it's actually a freakin' compilation of past Contra games in the series. If i want style, I'd have to play something like Armed Police Batrider for MAME. But that means I have to turn off my DS and turn on my laptop to access and play that game, and even then APB would just be a fashion show of bullet patterns. I know that there's an up and down to everything, but do you even realize how tedious it is to constantly make up for the downs a lot more than the ups? Imagine that, a tiny little bug with a stomach the size of Canis Majoris, having to constantly switch between plates of microscopic-sized food and way too slow to switch the plates fast enough to finally be full for once.
*SIGH*
I don't know how much more a fraction of the minority such as myself should say about this. Right now I just feel like crying like a f*** baby, give up my rights to individuality as a gamer, and live my life on as a senile consumer who'll never have his dreams realized because of the constantly-multiplying setbacks.
Maybe I'm just not cut out to be a game architecht. Maybe my talent only lies in making cryptic pictures and characters that only 1 in 500 people would understand the first time they see it, and anything else remotely close to that. Maybe I should just keep editing other people's products. Maybe I'm on the steady road to being the biggest disgrace to video games, because as of now, I'm like a scientist with wild ideas, but constantly getting denied decent equipment to realize that idea because public opinion states that i'm too stupid to think that those ideas would fly. Maybe I should just keep holing myself in my perfect little illusory world after being disappointed for the umpteenth time.
You know what, who knows. I don't really care right now. I feel like killing somebody half-dead.