The worst films in filmdom

Mr_Lycos · Post by **Mr_Lycos** » Thu Dec 30, 2004 11:25 pm

Although it was a watching of Resident Evil: Appocalypse that inspired this post, such a film wouldn't qualify. This post is reserved for the worst of the worst. I'd like to keep it to theatrical release.... straight to video almost all suck anyway.

House of the Dead: "Filmmaker smokes crack, makes s*** movie" could have been the tagline for this cinematic pain parade. A complete lack of acting ability, questionable setting, even more questionable script, a camera man that cant sit still, people that spin 'round when they die, zombies that know karate, boxes of guns (with ammo conveniently pre-loaded), and a general lack of movie-making skill (ie: camera too close to faces, breathing fogs-up the lens). The movie so bad it makes "burning when I pee" seem nice.

Adrenaline: This is the Christopher Lambert movie, not the EXTREME (made more extreme by typing in caps) sports film. ...... SURGE! Anyway, this movie stinks worse than a burning house made of birdshit thats been stuffed with dead dogs.

Highlander 2 (every version): Director makes $500,00 for his work on Highlander, then spends it all on cocaine. Entire $500,000 pick-up truck load of cocaine consumed while making this garbage. Its the only possible explanation.

The Blair Witch Project: Imagine if someone said they wanted to make the ultimate werewolf movie. Then after months of careful consideration of such details as tails, fur, and spookyness, the filmmakers instead take your money and give you Teenwolf. Not just a soul-crushing disappointment, but one that likely caused a mass-suicide outbreak upon its original release.

I, Robot: Killer robots! Will Smith! An entire city of computer generated denizens with a budget of umpteen gazillion dollars so that the director could bring to life his "vision" of a murder-mystery story so god-awful stupid it wouldn't even cut it as a bad episode of Law & Order: Dead Hookers (aka: special vicitms unit). Based on a famous Sci-Fi book from the 50's. And by "based-on" I mean it has the same title. Includes a bonus perk of starring "Will Smith", the man who makes $20 million dollars because he can make four sounds "Ha ha", "Uhn", "Whoo", and "Yeah 'eah".

Dark Harvest: I once saw this porn movie. These europeans are having a party, and the wairess stands on the table and defecates onto the guys plate. The guy eats half of the crap, and smears the other half onto his dinner-companion. Then she pees into a glass and they both drink it. This turns them both on so they rub the crap all over each other and then lick it off while performing oral sex. Anyway, the movie Dark Harvest is so god-awful bad that the light from the 'aformentioned porno (which is doubtlessly bad) would take 10 million years to reach it if it were traveling through the vaccum of space.

Vuldari · Post by **Vuldari** » Fri Dec 31, 2004 12:10 am

....Daaaammmm. That is all pretty harsh. If they were all THAT bad, why did you watch them?

I actually liked I-Robot. A great story?...no...but it was fun to watch.
I also thought Blair Witch project(the original, not the sequel) was facinating. Not worth all of the hype it got, but not TERRIBLE.

The worst movies I ever saw, I stopped watching before they were 15 minutes in, and have long forgotten the titles, let alone what they tried to present as a "Plot", because by this time, I really don't care enough to acknowlage they ever existed.

If I was going to toss out a nomination for "Worst movie ever", I would nominate this stinkpot of a childrens film my father picked out at a video store years ago called "Avas Magical Adventure", about a girl who rescues a baby elephant from a circus. I swear, any child who sits through the entire (made for video) film will be at least 20 points dumber on the IQ scale afterward. (I blame it for every test I failed in Grade school.)

Edit: Yes, I know "made for video" films were supposed to be ignored, but I just had to mention Something.

Figarou · Post by **Figarou** » Fri Dec 31, 2004 3:07 am

I also liked I-robot. In fact, I loved it!! I have the DVD and I plan on watching it again!!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Jan 01, 2005 12:08 am

Blair Witch Project was not a good movie compared to the multi-million dollar projects it had to compete with, but when you consider the fact that it was done by just three college students with store-bought video cameras (in fact, the $30,000 price tag was all advertising), you really have to admire it for what it is. The same goes for Kaze: Ghost Warrior; it's painfully easy to see (or hear, more accurately) where the budget was cut, but when you consider the fact that one man did virtually everything, you can't help but at least respect it.

So for my nominations, I picked out multi-million dollar projects that I wouldn't even consider if I was looking for a coaster.

Reign in Darkness:
There's a scene in the movie towards the climax where Rafael talks to Michael after he's fought his way through the complex, and I'm convinced this was what they built the entire movie around. It could have been a great movie, but with no special effects, overly stereotypical villains, crappy stunts, slap-together plot execution and a very brief ending that screamed "LOOK FOR A SEQUEL," this is a movie that's best left forgotten.

Darkwolf:
Half the characters appeared in the buff and the werewolf came out of a Playstation 1 game. That and the classic ending: the body in the morgue.

Crossroads:
When a stoked-up washed out pop star gets an idea for a movie and hires someone else to write it, you know it's going to be horrible.

Anything by Ken Russel:
Maybe I'm just bitter because my dad is obsessed with him, but personally, I find his excessive makeup, horror movie soundtrack, obsession with sex and God, and 7th grade Shakespearian acting style to be particularly annoying.

Eraserhead:
If alcoholics cannot opperate farm equipment, stoners should not opperate video equipment.

TakeWalker · Post by **TakeWalker** » Sat Jan 01, 2005 9:41 am

Anonymous wrote:The same goes for Kaze: Ghost Warrior; it's painfully easy to see (or hear, more accurately) where the budget was cut, but when you consider the fact that one man did virtually everything, you can't help but at least respect it.

Agreed, one hundred percent. I respect the man for making it; I want to see more stuff by him. But for God's sake, I hope he gets a script-writer and at least *one* other person to do voices with him! Eye candy, no matter how many people create it, does not a good movie make. That's why I didn't like Titan AE.

NightStorm · Post by **NightStorm** » Sat Jan 01, 2005 9:47 am

Oh man I love I Robot. I'm hoping to find the book by Issaic Asmov.
I just hope, The Lost Years of Merlin movie doesn't tank

Geh the movie I didn't like was probly the third HP movie.....bahhh I was too butchered up.

Baphnedia · Post by **Baphnedia** » Sat Jan 01, 2005 2:38 pm

I, Robot is part of a trilogy, that I'm not sure that Will Smith is going to do or not... but it includes I Robot, Caliban, and... Robot Dreams? It's been a long time since I read those.

ShadowWolf · Post by **ShadowWolf** » Sat Jan 01, 2005 8:14 pm

I personally haven't seen I, Robot, but I've been hearing that it was a good movie in its own right by a friend of mine who has read the book.

But, more to the point, my list of horrible movies (in no particular order):

The Howling 5(I think): I know, all but the first movie sucked. But this one tops them. If I remember right, this is the one where a group of people are trapped in a big castle and a werewolf is picking them off one by one. Not only was the acting in and of itself horrible, but the way they did the werewolf "attacks" were don't just insults the audiences' intelligence. Actor screams, screen goes black, omnious music plays, scene moves on to next person or group. You never even see a werewolf.

Hell Boy: I had some high expectations when a friend and I saw this one in the theater. But I could not keep myself interested in the plot, and that should not happen when the leading character is a demon from hell. The only saving grace were the laughs me and my friend had after we started MST3K'ing the last third of the movie.

The Matrix Reloaded and Revolations: Before I get to far into this, I will say I loved the first movie. It introduced a big new world of possibilities, had a solid plot, and left you not only to wounder what happened next, but it made you think a little about how you see reallity. These movies however, had none of that. The plot was predictable, and character had no depth, and they introduce too many unneeded characters and plot twists. Can anyone give me a good reason why the Oricle (I know I didn't spell that right), the suposed "mother" of the entire Matrix, would have to 'give up' her old appearence, or why they had to bring The Frenchman back for the third movie?
And some of the things they had the actors saying, I began to wounder if they had each of the actors pull their lines out of a hat.

But anyways, these are just my opinions

Apokryltaros · Post by **Apokryltaros** » Sun Jan 02, 2005 12:34 am

ShadowWolf wrote: The Howling 5(I think): I know, all but the first movie sucked. But this one tops them. If I remember right, this is the one where a group of people are trapped in a big castle and a werewolf is picking them off one by one. Not only was the acting in and of itself horrible, but the way they did the werewolf "attacks" were don't just insults the audiences' intelligence. Actor screams, screen goes black, omnious music plays, scene moves on to next person or group. You never even see a werewolf.

You're wrong...
We get to see the werewolf in that movie...
When it kills one of the people while we view the scene through a knothole another person is spying through.
Or was it cabinet doors that were almost closed?
I don't know, and I don't want to watch it again to find out which.

ShadowWolf · Post by **ShadowWolf** » Sun Jan 02, 2005 7:34 pm

Apokryltaros wrote:
ShadowWolf wrote: The Howling 5(I think): I know, all but the first movie sucked. But this one tops them. If I remember right, this is the one where a group of people are trapped in a big castle and a werewolf is picking them off one by one. Not only was the acting in and of itself horrible, but the way they did the werewolf "attacks" were don't just insults the audiences' intelligence. Actor screams, screen goes black, omnious music plays, scene moves on to next person or group. You never even see a werewolf.
You're wrong...
We get to see the werewolf in that movie...
When it kills one of the people while we view the scene through a knothole another person is spying through.
Or was it cabinet doors that were almost closed?
I don't know, and I don't want to watch it again to find out which.

I humbly apologize if I'm wrong. It's been about five or six years seen I've seen the film. And like you, I'm not in that big of a rush to find out

But regardless, my inital opinion still stands, it blows.

Silverclaw · Post by **Silverclaw** » Mon Jan 03, 2005 12:56 pm

For the last two Matrix movies, the Oracle changed apperence because the original actress died.

ShadowWolf · Post by **ShadowWolf** » Thu Jan 06, 2005 11:37 am

Silverclaw wrote:For the last two Matrix movies, the Oracle changed apperence because the original actress died.

oh... I did not know that... I withdraw that part of my review

Starfury · Post by **Starfury** » Fri Jan 07, 2005 8:15 am

I would have to agree that the first Matrix was revolutionary in its time, but the second and third felt more like sell outs to me. It wasn't so much about the plot anymore as much as it was about stringing together an extraordinary amount of fantastic special effects to stun the audience. And it did do that very well, all I have to say is that the albino twins rocked.

JonathanBaine · Post by **JonathanBaine** » Mon Jun 20, 2005 1:44 am

There is a film that I refuse to watch. I have never seen it, but in its infamous nature I must warn you of this HomeAlone character's latest movie.
I have developed a phobia because I have seen the front cover of the DVD.
I kid you not and I'm serious when I say that I CANNOT look at this front cover, its so scarry.
The movie, PARTY MONSTER
It is a sick film we have all heard about. I saw the cover once and that was enough to cause me to fear that wall in Blockbuster. Sometimes there are movies that you don't have to see to tell that it is a bad movie. This is one of them.
So, everytime I walk down that side of the store, I fear, like Medusa's glare. I cannot look at that wall, seriously.

......And see the cover that is Party Monster.

Set · Post by **Set** » Mon Jun 20, 2005 12:03 pm

JonathanBaine wrote:The movie, PARTY MONSTER
It is a sick film we have all heard about.

"We all"? And who would that be? I certainly have never heard of the damn thing.

I tend to hate alot of movies people love and love movies people hate. For example I like Halle Berry's version of Catwoman, but I hated Titanic. I'm not sure which movies I would consider the worst ever. I'd have to think about it.

JonathanBaine · Post by **JonathanBaine** » Mon Jun 20, 2005 9:40 pm

Reilune, I'm happy for you. You haven't seen that movie cover, let alone heard of it. Good for you. You're one of the lucky ones.

As for your view of the movies, it's totally fine. I don't agree with you, but you have your opinion and that's great. But if you really want to know what it is, look it up and stare at the cover for two good seconds....I dare you.

Vuldari · Post by **Vuldari** » Mon Jun 20, 2005 9:50 pm

Reilune wrote:
JonathanBaine wrote:The movie, PARTY MONSTER
It is a sick film we have all heard about.
"We all"? And who would that be? I certainly have never heard of the damn thing.

I tend to hate alot of movies people love and love movies people hate. For example I like Halle Berry's version of Catwoman, but I hated Titanic. I'm not sure which movies I would consider the worst ever. I'd have to think about it.

JonathanBaine wrote:Reilune, I'm happy for you. You haven't seen that movie cover, let alone heard of it. Good for you. You're one of the lucky ones.

As for your view of the movies, it's totally fine. I don't agree with you, but you have your opinion and that's great. But if you really want to know what it is, look it up and stare at the cover for two good seconds....I dare you.

Ummm...I see what you mean. I've never heard of this film...and I wish I still hadn't. Serioulsly ...WTF?!.

Vilkacis · Post by **Vilkacis** » Mon Jun 20, 2005 10:10 pm

Vuldari wrote:Ummm...I see what you mean. I've never heard of this film...and I wish I still hadn't. Serioulsly ...WTF?!.

<sarcasm>

Oh, thank you. Vuldari. Thank you very much for that link. I'm so glad I saw that.

</sarcasm>

-- Vilkacis

Raina The Werewolf Queen · Mon Jun 20, 2005 10:21 pm

The home movie of me when I was a little girl and I just got done playing in the mud with the little boy next door and I was tricking him into eating some...........Hey I was 5 what was I supposed to do>

That is the worst movie. Funny but bad.

JonathanBaine · Post by **JonathanBaine** » Mon Jun 20, 2005 10:57 pm

ow...theres one worse than that. Thats nothing. See the DVD cover. THATS THE ONE THAT I ACTUALLY HAVE A PHOBIA OF!!!
Look it up. I can't do it, and you know why....

Silverclaw · Post by **Silverclaw** » Mon Jun 20, 2005 10:58 pm

Speed 2 *shudders*

Raina The Werewolf Queen · Mon Jun 20, 2005 10:58 pm

is it the movie IT I hate clowns. They scare me severly

JonathanBaine · Post by **JonathanBaine** » Mon Jun 20, 2005 11:03 pm

Ahhhhhhhh! I found a picture similar to the one I saw at Blockbuster! I can't look!

http://www.salon.com/ent/movies/review/ ... ex_np.html

I can't believe I stuck my neck out for you to see this! I have to take five showers now. I need mace! I need mace!
(I actually do have a phobia of the dam thing)

Raina The Werewolf Queen · Mon Jun 20, 2005 11:05 pm

ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww I have seen that. Is that the movie you dont like

JonathanBaine · Post by **JonathanBaine** » Mon Jun 20, 2005 11:06 pm

I...have only seen....the cover.....I can't look at it....I really am afraid of it. Seriously....

...There is no telling you how afraid I am of it. You just have to know that its that bad for me.