Identity issues

[Set]

This is driving me nuts. I've reached that point where I'm just absolutely disgusted with everything, as happens to me on occasion.

If you wanted to know who I am I couldn't tell you. I honestly don't know. Hell, I'm not even sure what name I would give you if you asked. I feel so...frustrated.

There are times when I feel I'm living someone else's life. No one in particular, it just doesn't feel like it's mine. That feeling is always fleeting but it does nothing but bring me more uncertainty.

The otherkin thing doesn't help. I've been considering not calling myself such for quite a while now, but it seems wrong to me. I often wish I'd never come across the concept at all. I've been soul searching for years now and I only feel more unsure of what I really am than I was to begin with.

Not knowing who or what you are does a number on your mind. I just want to scream, to vent my pain to the stars above. It sounds dramatic but that's what I want to do. The most I ever manage is an "I hate you" look directed at the cosmos.

I've always been this way. It just...gets worse...every now and then. This is one of those days.

[Silverclaw]

Do you have a feel of what you SHOULD be doing or anything like that? The closest thing I can really think of is that you could be Otherkin.

[Renorei]

Hmm...you don't seem like the kind of person who would be comforted by sympathy or empty, meaningless statements like: "I'm there for you" etc. etc. You seem more like the kind of person who finds comfort simply in a receptive ear. If this is the case, I'm all ears .

But I must admit...I'm curious. How is your self-esteem? The reason I ask is because there are times when I feel like I'm not the person I should be...like I should be someone else. But it usually turns out that the feeling is actually because I'm currently unhappy with myself, and as a result a part of me refuses to accept who I am...because, at the time, I don't like who I am.

I must admit, though I don't consider myself a therian or otherkin, I do sometimes have therian or otherkin-esque feelings...but typically only when I'm unhappy about my human self. Usually when I start feeling better about myself, the weird feelings subside. Perhaps something similar is happening to you.

[Vuldari]

...maybe...


...or, maybe the Otherkin thing and alternate identities that you have experimented with (such as "Set") are prooving to not represent you as well as you thought. Maybe those paths have hit a dead end.

The same thing happened to me a few years ago. I was running full speed down a path to find out where exploring what "Theriantropy" could mean for me, would lead me. And then I ran smack into a stone wall. Though some signs were there, they just didn't add up. ...I wasn't a therian after all. I wasn't even sure if I was really a "furry" either. ...but those things (the signs that lead me to beleive I might be a therian) had been almost all that I thought about for years, and what I had identified myself with for as long as I could remember. ...it was what I was...but then I Wasn't...and I was SOO Confused.

...what AM I, if I am not who I thought I was?...

I'm still not sure yet, but I think I'm a little closer to understanding myself now than I was then.

Self revelations are hard to come by though...


I hope you find yourself again soon. Being lost within yourself is a terribly painful experience. ...I've been there...
(Well...sortof. My troubles and yours are surely quite different, since we are two VERY different people. ...but you know what I mean.)

[Set]

Do you have a feel of what you SHOULD be doing or anything like that?

Not really.

How is your self-esteem?

Probably better than the average person's. I don't look in the mirror and complain that I'm fat, or feel I'm ugly or dumb or anything. That's more than I can say for most people. I'm not any worse off in that area than the average joe at any rate.

I must admit, though I don't consider myself a therian or otherkin, I do sometimes have therian or otherkin-esque feelings...but typically only when I'm unhappy about my human self. Usually when I start feeling better about myself, the weird feelings subside. Perhaps something similar is happening to you.

Maybe. But should I be feeling like this constantly? I'm not really unhappy with my humanness unless I start thinking about it, and it feels strange because I don't think of myself as human. I have alot of moments where I look in the mirror, see the girl staring back at me and think "What the hell? That's not me!" That's about when I start thinking about being human.

I hope you find yourself again soon.

Yeah, me too.

[Nishah]

Hmmm...
perhaps I'll be overshooting the mark here 'since I have No clue as to what "otherkin" is and have but a passing notion of therians...) but I have know the feelings you describe...

Silly enough I've come across a rather easy way of getting that focus back. To get centered on what you are, not who... (to me that's a big difference...)

What I did was find a place/situation/... that induces perfect calm... To me that was a small stream in a forest at dawn... never experienced such peace my whole life... And that gave me the chance of not thinking who or what I was or had to be, simply feel what direction I had to go...
like all the answers are lock inside you all along, you just have to be quiet enough in your mind to hear 'em.

took some time for me to get myself to listen...
and actually doing what the feeling says isn't always easy either... 'cause you have to ranslate feelings into action (that's where most get lost)

Dunno if it'll be any help to you...
thought it might help...

[Morkulv]

Get a private detective to find yourself.

[Teh_DarkJokerWolf]

I have to admit I was reluctant to make any comments on here, but then I thought maybe I could help, give some words of advice..

What I have done personally is soul searching through deep meditation. I find a nice quiet spot, I prefer being outdoors myself or if indoors just turn on some quiet and soft music, but again this is just me and my opinions.

Just close your eyes and relax and think about yourself and what you've done and what you want to do with yourself..I sugeest keeping a journal of sorts as well..

Journals a quite helpful when in this mood or state of mind for better words..Loooking back on your previous day and see what changes you'd like to make..

Maybe it's something that you do daily that bothers you and you just aren't noticing it. I know myself I keep a journal and it does help me to make changes and everyday I try something new and I feel more and comfortable about my being..


I am no theripist and I don't mean to sound like one. I apologise if I do, I only wish to help you by passing on the words of some that I have talked to..

I know that feeling all to well myself and it doesn't feel good and it makes you angry and confuses you more when you can't figure them out and it will eventually cause you to go into a depression, no matter how strong you are..(No disrespect intended) I have to say it's good you brought it here for us to read and I hope what we are all telling you will help you in the right direction..

I am deeply sorry that you feel this way and I truly wish to see you get better and find yourself..I wish you the best of luck on this journey to find where you belong and though it may take time you will surely find that place if you really want to..

[Ink]

Maybe it's a bad time to define yourself.

What's the necessity of having your identity defined? I don't see it as something that urgent but you might have a different perception.
Can you be secure knowing you will change and with it so will your identity?
Can you be secure dealing with the world and preparing you for when you have the power to define yourself?

For those of us not yet adults, by the standards of society, we are caught in the limbo of the rites. We're on our way to being adults but we're not there yet...
[list]
[*]Living at home makes us dependants.
[*]Parents over-shadow our identities.
[*]College and university clot us with ways to define ourselves and we have to sift through them to find out what we appreciate and don't.[/list]

The ultimate test to who we are is when we're by ourselves in this world and have to confront the facts of us. By this I mean when we're not living with our parents, when we're out taking care of ourselves. We might not be alone entirely but we live without what we used to.

Some people never experience that. Some people in this world don't have the resolve to define themselves and don't care to. Others don't care either way. Others search for it all their lives.

People live either way.

For me it's at the basin of how I survive, who I can teach what I know and learn from. That will inevitably translate in leaving behind some knowledge to help and understand this world. My identity is sealed in what I'm attempting to achieve personally but it's balanced with my social roles. It interacts with all of it -- but that doesn't mean I'm balanced. I'm bat-sh*t crazy.

That's important to me but what's important to you?
What makes you want to know?
Are you useless without the definition?
Are you sure you want to know?

This is not something I feel can help you entirely or accurately -- you just have to go out and live life. Soul search while you're battling this world, because it is a battle and it will shape you.

It's a fight you'll end up winning or losing or finding yourself in. I wouldn't harbor extreme concern over it, though. It's something that you can put down and face later -- and later might be when you get to view yourself outside of things you've always known.

[Shadow Wulf]

It could also be who your hanging with. Sometimes people try to be something else just for someone elses sake. I have been thier before and I didnt like it. So me and my old friend went our seperate ways.

[Set]

Eh...well I don't feel like beating my head against a brick wall anymore, which means I'm feeling better, or at least like how I was before.

[Searif]

hm, I get that feeling too, like, what was I really put here to do or what am I really, although im not sure it would be the same as yours because im somewhat schitzofranic, "they" as some people would say dont mock me unless im already feeling useless, so yeah, enough about me though..... maybe you could try surrounding yourself with "otherkin" or whatever you call it

[celtwolf]

i'm not entirely sure what an 'otherkin' is precisely, but whatever it is, i don't really care. it seems you could really use a friend and some good advice. the friend part is up to you to determine if i am or not, but i can at least give a little advice.

ok, so you are having problems keeping your sanity and you feel like you're not really yourself. i know that feeling all too well. when i graduated from highschool, i felt as if i were doing things that weren't me. all this change, all teh weirdness, it was all weird for me and drove me CRAZY. i just didn't feel like i was ME....like i was someone else, or rather, me looking out of someone else's body.
i'm not entirely sure what got me back together, but i went on a camping trip with my friends and came back fine. i guess it has something to do with my 'go with the flow' attitude towards life, but when i came back i was fine. and loss of sanity isn't so bad.....hehe, i never really HAD sanity to begin with!XD
what i suggest is a little trip with friends. go out and talk, eat, be merry. forget all of your problems and fears and just be whatever you are, whoever you are. just.....have fun. i don't really know how else to put it.

hehe, i'm not all that good at giving advice this way, via a post on a board. if you'd like, i could talk to you via IM (MSN celt-wolf@hotmail.com). i'm much beter that way.
if not, i hope that you can figure out how to fix the problems soon. and i'm relatively sure you will! good luck.

~Celtwolf