How does one deal with the fact that their Mom..

Teh_DarkJokerWolf · Post by **Teh_DarkJokerWolf** » Thu Dec 21, 2006 7:54 pm

is dying?

I have been at the doctors with my mom all day today. She had to go in to get some blood take an have a checkup. Just so that you all know she's a diabetic..So she went to go have this check up at a kidney specialist. I had just got back from roamin around the hospital an was waiting for her in the waiting room. When she came out she was crying..I kinda had a feeling it what it was before she told me but I didn't want to believe it. She told me she had to go on dialysis an I just froze literally. I didn't even know what to say, all I could do was hold her an let her cry on my shoulder..

Right now she is in the room crying on the phone to her own mother an I am just giving her space right now an since I am freakin out myself I decided to at least tell my PAck family..There's really no one better I feel telling this right now. Her crying is tearing me up right now. I can feel myself starting to cry even right now. What really kills me is the fact that she told me she'd rather die then let them do that to her..I know the needles they use for this kind of thing are huge. The size of nails I was told an have seen. She keeps saying this even now to her mother..I can hear every word of this conversation an I just don't know what to tell her. She keeps just pushing the idea away. She doesn't want to do it an she doesn't have to. The last time I had to call 911 was because she was having dizzy spells an the paramedics told me she has a choice to make an if she doesn't want treatment it's of her own free will and they are right.. Now thinking about it this must have had to do with her diabetes being out of control..

She is so depressed, even before today. She sleeps all the time an just watches tv. She hasn't any friends here like myself an well this is why I don't get out much cause I feel bad leaving her alone especially cause she's ill, but at the same time I feel like I'm going to loss it being indoors all the time, but I can't be selfish..It's not in my nature at all..The doctors have told us there is no way to cure it. That made my mom even more upset. With this stress on here like this she could have a stroke as well or a heart attack. So many things now that she has to worry about now..All of us really..I ask that you who believe in prayer to pray for my mom or whatever else you can send this way now..I love my mom an it kills me to think that she is so young still an might not live past 60 years old..

Fenrir · Post by **Fenrir** » Thu Dec 21, 2006 8:20 pm

You can't deal with it Sabre, it's always going to be there during the good times and the bad, it teaches you to appreciate the time you have together now, and once she does die you won't regret not being there for her. However I do know how you feel, my grandmother has been on dialysis for 8 years now, and she is still kicking and screaming (both litterally and figuratively). So, it may seem like she is going to die, but Dialisis, however annoying it may be, is not a death sentance, and it forces your mother to go out and socialize, atleast with the nurses. It may teach your mother it's time to live life and not sleep all day.

And truth be told, we are all dieing, every second you have spent reading this post, it has brought you even closer to death.

Shadow Wulf · Post by **Shadow Wulf** » Thu Dec 21, 2006 8:52 pm

I agree with Fenrir, Joker. Theres nothing you can do about it except comfort her and give her a good time. If you can try to take her to places, hang out, go to the mall or anything, just something to heep her mind of the situation. I wouldnt do this just yet but give a month or two. I cant possibly comprehend of what you and your mother are going through, but my mom can. This year alone she lost 2 of her closest relative and family member at different time, she dropped to the ground and started crying out, whats worst is that one of them, my cousin death wasnt fair at all, by a drunk driver that was notcharged of manslaughter. I personaly wouldnt recomend you letting her situation affect on how you live for the rest of your life while she is alive. Im shure your mom will say the same thing when the time comes. It pains me to imagine of what it was like in your house as you typed that post, I can literaly visualize it since you put into such grusome details into your post. I am sorry for the news you have recieved, Joker, and it hurts me that your mom had to learn this at time of the year where there should be joy and laughter in the atmosphere. Im sorry Joker, I pray that your mom could fight it off until she is atleast past 65.

Anubis · Post by **Anubis** » Thu Dec 21, 2006 9:19 pm

I'm so sorry,

I have never lost a parent, and i would never wish such a thing on any one. I wish i could tell you some thing that would help you make you feel better, but i don't know what to say.

How ever if you ever need a friend to talk to or just a hypathetical shoulder to cry on, i'm here for ya.

once again i'm so sorry.

Kalira · Post by **Kalira** » Thu Dec 21, 2006 11:19 pm

I'm so incredibly sorry. I know there is nothing I can say that will make you feel better. Just know that my thoughts are with you and your family at this time. Everyone has the right idea be there for yo ur mom and enjoy the time you have with her, it will be all the more special. We are here for you as best we can be.

Templar · Post by **Templar** » Fri Dec 22, 2006 1:45 am

She's in my prayers. I'm so sorry.

God be with you both.

PariahPoet · Post by **PariahPoet** » Fri Dec 22, 2006 2:02 am

I know that nothing I ccould say would help right now, so I'm not going to try other than this- know that we all care about you and desperately want this situation to get better for you and your mom. *hugs*

MattSullivan · Post by **MattSullivan** » Fri Dec 22, 2006 3:03 am

You hope for the best. You prepare for the worst. And if the worst DOES happen, you must not give in to despair.

nachoboy · Post by **nachoboy** » Fri Dec 22, 2006 4:36 am

i like that way of thinking a lot, matt. very good plan, right there.

Kirk Hammett · Post by **Kirk Hammett** » Fri Dec 22, 2006 8:09 am

I'm really sorry to hear this.

Unfortunately diabetes claims a lot of lives every year. Just keep her extremely entertained. Cliche as this sounds, laughter is the best thing. Spend lots of time with her.

And she has my hope and wishes and love and luck. I'm sure she will be boosted a little to know people who have never met her care about her. I'm sure she is special to you and this is going to be very difficult, but live life to the fullest, be fun, importantly be optimistic.

psiguy · Post by **psiguy** » Fri Dec 22, 2006 8:58 am

Bad things do often happen to good people. Therefore, rather than count your curses (probbably too many to count at this point in one's life), count your blessings. And just as much as you can feel her pain, I'm sure that your mother can feel the tender love that you can provide her. Give her some great memories that are guarenteed not to be forgotten. Let them be most prominent and above the influence of the terrible fact of your mother's fate.

I've seen some family member end up in the hospital bed ridden. I've had some member in the family die. Yes I did cry. But I cried only upon their funeral, not before, for that was when I lost them. It does often help to think optimistically. If there is a life beyond this one, I could only hope that the deceased made it into a better afterlife (albeit going to heaven and not hell.) And I felt lonely, I only need to look at the ceiling or sky above me and wonder who is it that can see me from above. Possibly, the one looking back down on you could be the one whom you had great times with and enjoyed your company till their last breath.

Teh_DarkJokerWolf · Post by **Teh_DarkJokerWolf** » Fri Dec 22, 2006 12:14 pm

I want to thank all of you for your kind words. It truly does mean so much to me. I can't thank you all enough for this. I knew this was a good idea to post it here

Thank you all

White Paw · Post by **White Paw** » Fri Dec 22, 2006 5:13 pm

my prayers go with you and you mother Joker....

Darum · Post by **Darum** » Fri Dec 22, 2006 5:27 pm

we're all going to lose our loved ones sooner or later, it is innevitable, the best we can do is try to make good our time. i feel for your potential/eventual loss, my grandpa died of lung cancer when i was seven, while i'm sad that he's gone, i remember alot of the fun things we did, and thats what counts.

MattSullivan · Post by **MattSullivan** » Fri Dec 22, 2006 5:37 pm

Be strong Jokerwolf. Bad things happen, but you'll get through it. You'll be okay. We're here for you and for your family.

vrikasatma · Post by **vrikasatma** » Fri Dec 22, 2006 5:37 pm

Sabre, I don't know what to say, even though I've been in (roughly) the same situation. The best I can do is say "One day at a time." And really...take it day by day.
Fifteen years ago this month, my Dad died of lung cancer. We knew he was going as early as three months before and that was it, one day at a time. It's hard. It's the hardest thing in the world.
Gods, what a hard thing to get hit with, especially at this time of year.
<b>If you need to talk — anytime, night or day, for whatever reason, shoot me a message.</b> I'm not kidding.
[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[Sabre and Mom]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]

MattSullivan · Post by **MattSullivan** » Fri Dec 22, 2006 5:43 pm

This may be in bad taste, given the seriousness of the topic, but watch this joker. it will make you smile :}

http://scaredofbees.com/upbuttcoconut.htm

Teh_DarkJokerWolf · Post by **Teh_DarkJokerWolf** » Fri Dec 22, 2006 6:43 pm

White Paw wrote:my prayers go with you and you mother Joker....

Thank you White Paw..I do appreciate it *hugz*

Darum wrote:we're all going to lose our loved ones sooner or later, it is innevitable, the best we can do is try to make good our time. i feel for your potential/eventual loss, my grandpa died of lung cancer when i was seven, while i'm sad that he's gone, i remember alot of the fun things we did, and thats what counts.

That's true an I will keep that in mind

MattSullivan wrote:Be strong Jokerwolf. Bad things happen, but you'll get through it. You'll be okay. We're here for you and for your family.

MattSullivan wrote:This may be in bad taste, given the seriousness of the topic, but watch this joker. it will make you smile :}

http://scaredofbees.com/upbuttcoconut.htm

Thanks Matt heh it did make me laugh

vrikasatma wrote:Sabre, I don't know what to say, even though I've been in (roughly) the same situation. The best I can do is say "One day at a time." And really...take it day by day.
Fifteen years ago this month, my Dad died of lung cancer. We knew he was going as early as three months before and that was it, one day at a time. It's hard. It's the hardest thing in the world.
Gods, what a hard thing to get hit with, especially at this time of year.
<b>If you need to talk — anytime, night or day, for whatever reason, shoot me a message.</b> I'm not kidding.
[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[Sabre and Mom]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]

Thanks you Vrikastma

It is greatly appreciated to know you'll lend an ear. Thank you *hugz*

Fang · Post by **Fang** » Fri Dec 22, 2006 7:19 pm

I'm here for you too Joker, there is noting I can say that hasn't already been said, but if you need a sympathetic ear, I'm listening.

lupine · Post by **lupine** » Fri Dec 22, 2006 8:44 pm

Woah fella....Just read your post, sorry for you and your mum. There's nothing I can say that hasn't already been said. Be there for her. Be strong. It will be hard. Be her rock. We will be yours. I know myself and everyone else here will be listening to and supporting you through whatever the future is going to throw at you. Grit your teeth and chin up for your mum kidda. Hearts with you.

Figarou · Post by **Figarou** » Fri Dec 22, 2006 8:53 pm

just hang in there...we all know bad things happen.

I know I'm going to have to face that day soon.

just take care of her and be at her side.

darkest wolf · Post by **darkest wolf** » Fri Dec 22, 2006 11:42 pm

I'm really sorry to hear that man. My prayers will be with her tonight.

May God bless you.

Aki · Post by **Aki** » Sat Dec 23, 2006 1:41 am

MattSullivan wrote:You hope for the best. You prepare for the worst. And if the worst DOES happen, you must not give in to despair.

That would seem to be the best plan.

My condolences, Sabre. Something, I think, that would be worthwhile is trying to cheer her up somehow, make her remember there's lots and life to continue to live for. Like her family. I remember a story my father's GF told once about how her mother (IIRC) held out for a long time to see someone, but once she was told they wouldn't be able to come, and she "could go", she just died. Just *poof*, gave up the ghost and slipped away.

Willpower is a powerful force. So convincing someone to live is a worthy endeavor, if nothing else you could make them more happy (always a good thing) and keep them around longer. etc.

But, if they want to go, it's best to let 'em go. Even the most powerful of wills cannot stave off death forever.

Silverfang · Post by **Silverfang** » Sat Dec 23, 2006 6:53 am

My condolences Joker, As Matt mentioned, prepare for the worse but hope for the best and never give in. I've never lost a parent but I lost both my grandfathers, one of which i was close to since we both were engineers. He was a toolmaker but i was 16 when he passed away due to stomach cancer.

He never saw what I've gone on to become and do

Kirk Hammett · Post by **Kirk Hammett** » Sat Dec 23, 2006 9:36 am

I do believe that miracles can happen.

Just a side note. I believe strongly in these. And I wish for her that she will receive one. I send her my strength and love.

-hug-