THE PACK Message Boards

Recently, I've been under a lot of stress. A LOT. Between a five year return to college / animation jobsearch / scriptwriting FRENZY, I really didn't notice HOW much stress I was under, and just HOW I was coming off to people, both here on the PACK and in real life. So i'm here to explain a few things:

The other day, the stress built up to a very unhealthy level. I stated having chest pains, dizziness, nausea ( which had nothing to do with physical illness ) and had to spend almost 5 hours calming myself down. Later, I resolved to determine just why I had hit rock bottom emotionally. Stress was the primary cause.

It got SO bad over the last year, I found myself cursing my own work, hating CAMP LYCANTHROPE, and wishing I'd never written it in the first place. it was bad. Chalk that up to a perfectionist trying his damndest to make a good werewolf movie, and banging his head against the wall that is modern-day Hollywood.

My physical health has suffered because of all this stress. I had to stop this, because it was slowly killing me.

As most of you know, I recently secured that DECENT job I'd been looking for for years. The animation industry had just dried up, and no one was hiring for traditional artists. I learned CG, but that's not much fun, and by the time I finished school there were THOUSANDS of people taking CG classes. There was/is a glut. So I decided to return to drawing. When I finally had a chance to get this job, I had to prove myself all over again. Meaning a new portfolio, a new round of tests, and a six month wait to find out if I was even going to be considered. it was EXCRUCIATING. But it worked out.

In the meantime, I was doing night security work, putting my life on the line against the dregs of society. Here's a list of just a few of the godawful things I've personally seen over the last year on that job.

A woman raped.

A kidnapping.

Three gang-related murders

At least 10 Post traumatic Stress related iraq War vets melting down right in front of me. ( this is a big military town ) You'd be surprised at just how much emotion it can take out of even a non-soldier to have to witness this.

Because of all this stress, i have found myself becoming short and curt with PACK members, and not even realizing it. I'm not saying my views were wrong, but I WAS snapping to anger fueled retorts. Ive gotten messages from PACK members asking, "What happened to the OLD Matt Sullivan? I wish we had him back"

Well i couldn't agree with you more. So I'm here to say I'm sorry if I've offended anyone, and that I'm not going to hang onto any grudges. Figarou, it's cool man. Kaebora, same goes for you. What's past is past. What's said was said. And I really hope that things can go back to the way they were.

So...that's about it. Just something I had to get off my chest.

Wow thats a lot to look at in the past year. I really liked you and your art skills back when you joined the pack and your were liked by everyone here and were making quick friends and supporters of your work. But then you changed and you made enemies by snapping and insulting everyone here. You even snapped at me when I tried to sympathize for you and be your friend, I tried to understand you when no one else would, I covered your back because I knew all the crap that was going on in your life, you would have been permanently banned already if it wasn't for me. And all you did was made me eat my own words and proved me wrong. I always forgive and forget if the other person really intends to change their ways for the better. But before I do that, I want you to thank me.

Hehe, I am too new to speak here but you always seemed nice to me, I mean, a bit harsh sometimes, but only sometimes.

Anyway, I too feel sometimes the few words I have given are too influenced by my life problems and stress, and I 'll are to say it happens to pretty much everyone once in a while... anyway, it must feel great to let it out.

I'll forgive you for every time you've snapped at or otherwise insulted me on one condition: Make Camp Lycanthrope!



Oh, and you haven't snapped at or otherwise insulted me yet, so you'll have to build up some credit in that area before you release it—no fair doing it after CL is out

i may not have agreed with you, but it's good to have competing points. How else do you think the best ideas come afoot?
I'm so glad you didn't hate little ol me, but i'm still sort of new, so you can always use me as you whipping boy . i enjoy reading some negative posts, they give me so of the laughter that most could never understand.

Stress is something you don't want in your life. It can lead to many health problems. The worst is having an heart attack. You don't want one of those especially when you're still in your 30's.


Seeing that you have a job in the animation industry again makes me very happy.

Be proud that you have people who still cares. You should already know I'm a kind and helpfull person. AND one who is forgiving.

I tried to help in the past. But it led to me being confused because I didn't know what was going on. I was like..."What did I do wrong? I was only trying to help."

I'm glad things are settling down now. Soon you'll be back in California doing what you do best.

Good luck, Matt.

Well Matt if friends only stayed around with things are going good, then they aren't your real friends. It is those who stick with you no matter what mood you are in.

alphanubilus wrote:Well Matt if friends only stayed around with things are going good, then they aren't your real friends. It is those who stick with you no matter what mood you are in.

Right, I forgive you. If you do what you do best. AND, you make Camp Lycanthrope.

You know, for the future, if you ever want to just blow off steam about anything or everything that happens in your RL life, we do have a thread for that.

No harm no foul. Just for the future, if something is really bothering you, let it all out instead of bottling it up. Like Adam Ferarra once said, you have to fight and/or blow off steam because otherwise you just end up exploding over some little thing.

Adam's GF: "Why did you put this spoon in this drawer?!"
Adam: "Just to piss you off! I've got spoons hidden all over this house! Keep it up and your napkin rings are gonna' disappear too!"

Shadow, Thank you :}

Should be able to relax now?

We all argue with one another Matt but I dont think anybody was really truly angry with you. Or at least not for long.

Glad to see your doing some soul searching. And that you feel a little better.

Thanks for letting us know. I know it may sound trite, but I really do understand. I work in an ER; that means by definition, people come in at wit's end, so I do get to see a lot. The same kind of physical manifestations of chest pain and shortness of breath send a lot of people under less stress than yours to me, worried that they might be having a heart attack.

Hope things settle down for you and get your creative drive moving forward again. Again, believe me when I say that I understand; going through crap after crap after crap can really sap the creative spirit. It sounds like you're needing a vacation.

Hey Matt... Good to see you're back with us. Here's hoping this new animation job gets you noticed for the right reasons.

Ok, I'll give you my forgiveness because you asked for it. Please be careful about what you do with friendships. In my honest opinion, the importance of friendship is second only to family.

Y'know, I was on the verge of asking you if anything was wrong, in fear that I was going to offend you. When you said you couldn't get a job, and started lashing out, I realized the jovial Matt started missing. I assumed there was a deeper problem, because when I first saw you here you were a really, really nice person (well, maybe opinionated, but that's just you, and a lot of people are.)

If you're stressed, talk about it, it lets out a whole lot more steam than does lashing out, even though it's perfectly normal, human behavoir.

While I can't think of anything off the top of my head that you've done to annoy/offend me, I'm sure you've done something and I shall hold that grudge until the end of days! Only the day of reckoning shall bring my forgiveness!

Foley guy, cue the dramatic lightning!


Nah, it's all good, but it's good to see you're apologizing to people you may have upset.