More UWE BOLL madnss!

[MattSullivan]

TAKEN FROM IMDB:

The only film producer challenging Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull with a new release this weekend is the critically despised German director Uwe Boll, who has managed to find 17 theaters across the country to show his R-rated Postal. It's based on a video game about a man who "goes postal" and begins shooting everything and everyone in sight. The movie includes scenes of the the 9/11 hijackers crashing into the World Trade Center while discussing the virgins they're sure to win when they arrive in paradise. Another scene shows Osama Bin Laden and George Bush holding hands as they walk into a mushroom cloud. When virtually every major theater chain, including AMC and Regal, the nation's two largest, turned it down, Boll distributed it himself, sometimes even renting theaters, but even many of the theaters that have agreed to show it are only doing so at odd hours. "We're running in Austin only at midnight at the Alamo. How are you going to do box office if you're not going to play five times a day?" Boll asked in an interview with MTVNews.com. In the New York area, the movie is only playing in outerborough Brooklyn.

[RedEye]

It seems that Uwe has finally gained the appreciation he deserves.

BTW: if you've played the game "Postal", you'll know why he had to PAY to show his picture, and maybe even pay people to watch the thing. "Postal" was really a bad game...no, that's not right: bad is too kind a term for that piece of.....

IT's one of the few games where you DON'T brag about your score. You admit it under pressure. Lots of pressure.

[Terastas]

Wow. Is Uwe seriously that clueless as to how bad his films are? Yes, that's right, it's going to be a box office bomb because nobody will show it. It has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that you suck as a director, keep telling yourself that Uwe.

Seriously, when you look at some of the crap they have given us (Epic Movie, Meet the Spartans, The Hottie & The Nottie, etc.) and some of the crap they're going to give us (Beverly Hills Chihuahua, etc.), and virtually every theater chain on the planet -- the same ones that showed or will be showing all that crap -- turn your movie down, that should suffice for a serious wake-up call.
Anyone else think this idiot's going to be the first one fired on Celebrity Apprentice 2?

[Spiritbw]

*raises hand*

This guy has more money than brains if he's bankrolling his own films now since no one is willing to invest thier own in his projects. People have jumped to deny it when even the RUMOUR of Uwe directing thier movie script or a movie adaptation of thier game comes up. The guy's response to critics is to challenge them to a boxing match, then apparently never hold it while claiming he won as if that probves he has artistic talent than being a schoolyard bully that never grew up. he already has two films on the top ten WORST movies of all time for many critics.

This again, something like this little tidbit probably buoys him along. For those who don't want to click:

George Lucas wanted to call the new 'Indiana Jones' film 'Indiana Jones and the Saucer Men From Mars'.

The film's producer had his idea firmly rejected by actor Harrison Ford and director Steven Spielberg as the three men struggled to reach an agreement for around 10 years.

Spielberg said: "There was a point where I thought George and I would never agree on the story, and I was fine with that.

"George and I are best friends, and we always argue, and we always debate. That's been the nature of our relationship since we met in 1967."

'Star Wars' director Lucas had commissioned Jeb Stuart - who wrote the script for 'Die Hard' - to write his version, which saw Indy go up against Russian agents and had a climatic battle scene between the US army and alien flying saucers.

Ford added: "It takes time to get Steven, George and me on the same page. George is very stubborn with his ideas."

[Dreamer]

I think that Uwe Boll is the Ed Wood of our age. No talent, but a boundless passion for his work.

[Terastas]

I think that Uwe Boll is the Ed Wood of our age. No talent, but a boundless passion for his work.

Yeesh. Dreamer, what did Ed Wood ever do to you?

Seriously, I'm not a bad film fanboy, but I still hold Ed Wood in much higher regards over Uwe Boll. Ed Wood has one hell of an imagination, but his movies were crap because he typically worked with struggling actors, a five-figure budget and roughly one week of production. Uwe Boll never had an original thought in his life, and he typically directs huge financial bombs for tax write-offs but parades himself around like the next Jesus [bleep]ing Christ challenging all his critics to boxing matches.

Trust me, once Uwe's career is over (and by that I mean when he dies; his career's over already if you ask me), he's the one everyone will remember as the worst director ever. At least Ed Wood's movies have some strange appeal to them.

[vrikasatma]

Hey...I wouldn't mind watching OBL and Dubya walking hand-in-hand into a mushroom cloud...

Bring it onnnnnn, baby.

[Kaebora]

Just because you're passionate about something, doesn't mean you're talented. :/

[cjkrythos]

IT's one of the few games where you DON'T brag about your score. You admit it under pressure. Lots of pressure.

not entirely true. I know someone dumb enough to do so.... at work no less, but yeah, he has always been known for deliberately making himself seem all bad*** and completely psychotic while most of the time hes just a total dork. Hes matured some in the past year or so, but not by much.

[Terastas]

IT's one of the few games where you DON'T brag about your score. You admit it under pressure. Lots of pressure.

not entirely true. I know someone dumb enough to do so.... at work no less, but yeah, he has always been known for deliberately making himself seem all bad*** and completely psychotic while most of the time hes just a total dork. Hes matured some in the past year or so, but not by much.

*nods* I know a couple of em' too. Sometimes when people suck at the games that people do come together and play online (like Halo, Counterstrike or Pokemon BR), they try and compensate by picking out another game that nobody plays that they will claim is much better than Halo etc. and which they are the absolute best at.

Before one guy I knew moved on to Postal, he used to parade himself around proclaiming himself to be the God of Worms: Armageddon. After I mopped the floor with him several times and he accused me of cheating several times, I finally got one of his friends to inform me that his matches against me were the first time he'd ever played the game in his life.

So in a way, Postal is very much for gamers what Postal: The Movie is for Uwe Boll: A way for an otherwise talentless douchebag to feel like the next Jesus Bleepin' Christ. Uwe finally found his target audience!

[Terastas]

Well, just out of some morbid curiosity, I ended up clicking on a Youtube video where a FOX News "journalist" talking to Uwe via satellite about the movie.

And I have to admit, listening to Uwe rattle off all the things that made this offensive: Mini-Me getting raped by monkeys, his role as the owner of an Auschwitz theme park, etc., etc., I did laugh. The idea of a movie being that blatantly offensive, I have to admit, was funny. . .

But then I realized, wait a minute. This guy isn't just laughing about it the idea of making it. He actually spent millions upon millions of dollars and did it! That's inexcusable!

[AngryGothChick]

I'm not sure if it's still happening or not,but I heard that if Uwe got 1 million signatures on a petition site,then he would stop making movies!

[Terastas]

I'm not sure if it's still happening or not,but I heard that if Uwe got 1 million signatures on a petition site,then he would stop making movies!

He mentioned that on the FOX interview, and while he did say that he would, he also accused one of his critics of spamming the list with fake signatures and said he would only stop if a million different people signed the list. In other words, Uwe's already rehearsing a way out of his promise should the list reach a million (which to me would indicate that he's expecting the list to reach a million, which would in turn lead me to believe he is fully aware of how much he sucks).

The only way Uwe will go away for good is if German law is rewritten to close the loophole he and his investors are exploiting. His films are essentially designed to be box office bombs. His investors are only in it for the tax write-off, and in exchange, he gets to pay himself whatever he wants to direct it, plus he gets a little bit of Paris Hilton-esque "I'm rich and you're not" publicity to go along with it.

So yes, he did say that, but no, he didn't mean it. Uwe's word is worth even less than his movies are.

[AngryGothChick]

Ulli Lommel,or whatever his name is should quit too.Zombie Nation almost made my eyes bleed!!

[Wselfwulf]

Didn't he make a film based on the game Dungeon Siege of all things? And the main character was named 'Farmer'? Why?..Oh why?

[Kaebora]

Games made after movies typically suck. Movies made after games typically suck. Comics made into movies or games typically rocks everyone's socks. Reason? It's a storyboard and a whole mess of concepts all rolled into one.

To be honest, Uwe Boll doesn't strike me as the kind of person that would play video games. I think he's just buying movie rights to cheap franchises because he can't come up with something new. If he was truely passionate for a video game, he probobly would do a lot better. For example, if I wrote a script for a Zelda movie, you'd bet yer butt I'd be working on it for over a year to make sure it's done right. Plus the knowlage of the franchise's stories and history would benifit other fans of the game series due to its accurate portrayal.

Seeing as how the last Nintendo branded movie was Super Mario Brothers, and it bombed horribly, Uwe Boll grabbing Zelda isn't entirely impossible. Though I'm sure he'd end up being the most hated director in history for messing that up. Give the live action Zelda movie to Peter Jackson.

[Terastas]

To be honest, Uwe Boll doesn't strike me as the kind of person that would play video games. I think he's just buying movie rights to cheap franchises because he can't come up with something new.

Bingo. As I said back when, Uwe doesn't have an original bone in his body. He said in the interview he does video games because they already have established fan bases or some crap like that. But the reality is that:
A) Movies inspired by video games are reputedly horrible so most people naturally avoid them.
B) The plot was already written by the game designers simplifying his work as a director.

The most telling instance for me (apart from his decision to tackle Postal) was when he expressed an interest in directing Metal Gear Solid and Konami immediately went on damage control to deny it. Uwe's reputation is so horrible that the gaming industry at large cringes at the mention of his name. The only movies he can make now are of titles already sent to the video game graveyard.

Not that he cares, of course. Like I said above, his movies are supposed to bomb.

Seeing as how the last Nintendo branded movie was Super Mario Brothers-

Well, there was the Animal Crossing movie. And all the Pokemon movies too. Those count, right?

But you're not that far off. Nintendo didn't quit after SMB, but they've certainly held back, and what little they have done they did themselves or through the associations they already had. Nintendo will never back off of the industry altogether since there's always money to be made there, but I think it will be a really long time before Nintendo lets someone else make a movie for them, much less an angry hack like Uwe Boll.

Besides, Uwe would never consider Zelda. Metroid maybe, but not Zelda. He's a shameless self-promoter that loves to think himself a boxing bad-a**; he'd never direct a movie starring a forest-dwelling pointy-hatted kid hero with a fairy sidekick. He's got a reputation to maintain.

[Zombie]

Fine, fine already!

For the good of all who watch movies, since he wants to fight, Ill challenge him to a MMA fight. If he wins, he still gets to make movies. When I win, he`s not allowed to make anymore crap- er excuse me, movies.

-Z

[Terastas]

Fine, fine already!

For the good of all who watch movies, since he wants to fight, Ill challenge him to a MMA fight. If he wins, he still gets to make movies. When I win, he`s not allowed to make anymore crap- er excuse me, movies.

-Z

Oh, if only he would take up such a challenge.

Sometime after Uwe beat up Lowtax etc., he challenged another critic to a boxing match, but one thing lead to another and Uwe ended up slated to fight another employee of the same review who actually had a bit of experience; Uwe opted out. He won't fight anyone unless he's 100% confident he can beat them ugly.

There is, however, one other way Uwe could theoretically be forced to stop making movies, but it's a long shot. The other possibility would be if the gaming industry no longer lets him scrounge around in the video game junkyard for premises to resurrect in movie format. The chances of the video game world ever running out of short-lived games with crappy plot lines are, however, slim at best. Hell, the gaming world can be even tougher than Hollywood sometimes; there are actually a lot of good stories in the metaphorical graveyard waiting to be dug up and made a script out of (I have nightmares about Uwe finding Cold Fear and getting the rights to it).

So instead of petitioning to have Uwe retire, I'd recommend petitioning to the German government to stop accepting film contributions as tax write-offs instead. That's the loophole I was telling you about earlier.

EDIT: Dear god. I just found out my Cold Fear nightmare might not be that far off; Uwe has the rights to Far Cry. Oh the horror of it all. . .

[Baphnedia]

Fine, fine already!

For the good of all who watch movies, since he wants to fight, Ill challenge him to a MMA fight. If he wins, he still gets to make movies. When I win, he`s not allowed to make anymore crap- er excuse me, movies.

-Z

We can't stop him from making anymore crap. That'd be inhuman (because, we all make crap, sometimes more than once a day).

[Wselfwulf]

haha! I didn't know he planned a second Dungeon Siege movie. Or, if I'm lucky, it is out and I never caught wind of it?

http://www.spoonyexperiment.com/rants/Bloodrayne/