Ireland declares war on France!

PariahPoet · Post by **PariahPoet** » Mon Apr 02, 2007 8:21 pm

Jacques Chirac, the French President, is sitting in his office when
his
telephone rings.
"Hallo, Mr. Chirac!" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy
down at the
Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland.
I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on
you!"
"Well, Paddy," Chirac replied, "This is indeed important news! How
big is your
army?"
"Right now," says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is
myself, me
Cousin Sean, me next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire darts team
from the
pub. That makes eight!"
Chirac paused. "I must tell you Paddy that I have 100,000 men in my
army waiting
to move on my command."
"Begoora!" says Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back." Sure enough,
the next day,
Paddy calls again.
"Mr. Chirac, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some
infantry
equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be Paddy?" Chirac asks Well, we have
two
combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor."
Chirac sighs amused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000
tanks and 5,000
armored personnel carriers.
Also, I have increased my army to 150,000 since we last spoke."
"Saints preserve us!" says Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you."
Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day.
"Mr. Chirac, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves
airborne! We
have modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of
shotguns in the
cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well!"
Chirac was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must
tell you,
Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes.
My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air
missile sites.
And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000!"
"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" says Paddy, "I will have to ring you
back."
Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. "Top o' the mornin',
Mr. Chirac!
I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war."
"Really? I am sorry to hear that," says Chirac. "Why the sudden
change of
heart?"
Well," says Paddy, "we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness,
and decided
there is no fookin' way we can feed 200,000 prisoners.

White Paw · Post by **White Paw** » Mon Apr 02, 2007 9:00 pm

YAY!! Go War...maybe ill have work lol

Fenrir · Post by **Fenrir** » Tue Apr 03, 2007 12:18 am

quiet ya hobo you're not irish

plus who'd want to fight French they'd just give up

White Paw · Post by **White Paw** » Tue Apr 03, 2007 12:56 am

Fenrir wrote:quiet ya hobo you're not irish

plus who'd want to fight French they'd just give up

lol dork ... good training

enemy retreat methods lol!!

Kirk Hammett · Post by **Kirk Hammett** » Tue Apr 03, 2007 2:24 am

Haha I have Irish relatives. Funny joke Pariah haha! Makes me want to drink...and drink...

PariahPoet · Post by **PariahPoet** » Tue Apr 03, 2007 7:37 am

Hehe, I wish I was Irish. Along with the adorable accent, they're one of the few European countries left with a spine.

Spongy · Post by **Spongy** » Fri Apr 13, 2007 4:27 am

PariahPoet wrote:they're one of the few European countries left with a spine.

*sigh* I don't suppose Sweden has a spine? From what I know, we would surrender the second we got into any sort of war, or just stay out of it... (WWI, WWII..etc...) So I guess Sweden doesn't have one. Ah well...Go Ireland then!

Shadow Wulf · Post by **Shadow Wulf** » Fri Apr 13, 2007 6:58 am

Fenrir wrote:quiet ya hobo you're not irish

plus who'd want to fight French they'd just give up

President of France: s***, guyz. Fire our ciggarets , I mean missle at them.

Wife: But Im letired.

PoF: Well alright then take a nap. THEN FIRE OUR MISSILE!!

Lukas · Post by **Lukas** » Fri Apr 13, 2007 7:20 am

i know that video, so post it or lose it

Shadow Wulf · Post by **Shadow Wulf** » Fri Apr 13, 2007 2:49 pm

The end of the world

John Wolf · Post by **John Wolf** » Sat Apr 14, 2007 5:36 pm

I think the UK and the U.S would supply Ireland heavily with firepower capable of defeating the french.

Anook · Post by **Anook** » Sat Apr 14, 2007 6:35 pm

Why do Americans(and apparently the British) dislike the French so much?

Midnight · Post by **Midnight** » Sat Apr 14, 2007 7:44 pm

There's bad blood between the British and the French going back something like 941 years. It's not likely to go away any time soon.

As far as the Americans are concerned, it's probably that the French didn't swallow the Bush administration's lines about Iraq somehow being behind the September 11th attacks.

In_Cruce_Salus · Post by **In_Cruce_Salus** » Sat Apr 14, 2007 9:36 pm

Hrmmm...I dislike the French and I am an American, but I also dislike the Iraq War, so that truly has nothing to do with my dislike of the French.
If you look at history, then you'll realize that they haven't truly won a single war since Napoleon died, and he wasn't even French! They are stuck up, rude, and pompous (I'm speaking from personal experience).
That and they were pretty much the sole cause of WW2 and the Holocaust. They held a grudge against Germany after Bismarck and Prussia kicked France's arse and took several resource rich territories (Alsace and Lorraine...not sure about spelling) from them. After WW1, France was the loudest country clamouring for sanctions against Germany. If they had handled Germany in a civil manner, then Hitler wouldn't have had the political atmosphere required for someone like him to rise to power. Ergo, France caused the Holocaust.

Set · Post by **Set** » Sat Apr 14, 2007 11:21 pm

I don't like the French because their language sucks and they're horrible snobs.

I don't like Bush either.

Anyway. This was funny. And Irish people, I like your accents.

PariahPoet · Post by **PariahPoet** » Sat Apr 14, 2007 11:46 pm

I have to disagree about the snobbery. My grandmother has a French friend who brings her whole family to visit with my family every few years and they are wonderfully sweet people! It was so cute when they brought their little girl. Even though they couldn't understand eachother, she and my little cousin played and had the best time together!

It was really cute!

I don't really dislike the people of any country, I just dislike every government(including our own, though I don't think Bush is the devil like everyone else seems to. I just think that he got thrown way over his head into a very bad situation and has made a lot of poor decisions)

Miragh · Post by **Miragh** » Sun Apr 15, 2007 8:15 am

hehehehe, classic!

PariahPoet · Post by **PariahPoet** » Sun Apr 15, 2007 9:39 am

lol, yeah, you would appreciate that one! ;D

Teh_DarkJokerWolf · Post by **Teh_DarkJokerWolf** » Sun Apr 15, 2007 1:03 pm

Dork

In_Cruce_Salus · Post by **In_Cruce_Salus** » Mon Apr 16, 2007 2:35 pm

This whole topic just made me think of this song for some reason.

Genius in France by Weird Al Yankovic
http://www.barglenawdlezouss.com/lyrics/ph/12.htm

Sorry, all I've got are the lyrics. Don't know where I could get the actual song online.

Anook · Post by **Anook** » Mon Apr 16, 2007 6:37 pm

So, some of you dislike the french because of the things they did in the past?

What about the kids there today? Do you dislike them even though they didn't exist then?(WW2)

Kzinistzerg · Post by **Kzinistzerg** » Mon Apr 16, 2007 8:38 pm

I dislike the French, because you can smell them all the way over here.

Seriously though, my cousin went to France for 6 months to do a term-abroad and work... She said that it was WORSE than all the stories told about it.

Plus, what's so good about fashion? Seems like a waste of time to me.

Scott Gardener · Post by **Scott Gardener** » Mon Apr 16, 2007 9:05 pm

To say that France caused the holocaust is akin to saying that Wired Magazine caused the Iraq War and the death of 10,000 or more Iraqi people, as well as over 3000 Americans. Someone accused the magazine of this, because they at one point published an article quoting Al Gore making a statement that if taken out of context sounded as if he were claiming to have invented the Internet. This originated the rumor that he indeed made such a claim, nudging down his popularity, perhaps just enough to affect the outcome of the very close and controversial 2000 U.S. presidential elections. Ergo, Bush gets elected, reads My Pet Goat, declares war on the wrong country, and the rest of our timeline.

The French didn't exactly have in mind encouraging Hitler's rise to power. They just did what humans are all too good at doing--wanting revenge, without anticipating how revenge perpetuates hate. Fear leads to anger; anger leads to hate; etc. If you want to hate the French and look for excuses like this to justify that hate, please realize that doing so could have consequences.

Anook · Post by **Anook** » Mon Apr 16, 2007 9:21 pm

Kzinistzerg wrote:I dislike the French, because you can smell them all the way over here.

Seriously though, my cousin went to France for 6 months to do a term-abroad and work... She said that it was WORSE than all the stories told about it.

Plus, what's so good about fashion? Seems like a waste of time to me.

So, you dislike the french based on your cousins opinion.
Have you even been to France?

In_Cruce_Salus · Post by **In_Cruce_Salus** » Tue Apr 17, 2007 5:05 am

Anook wrote:So, some of you dislike the french because of the things they did in the past?

What about the kids there today? Do you dislike them even though they didn't exist then?(WW2)

Of course not. Disliking someone based on their ancestor's actions would pretty much bugger everybody. I was merely stating that as an interesting bit of information. If you go back far enough, anything could be blamed on anybody.
Unlike most Americans who don't like the French and France, I have actually been to France and have met quite a few French people. Nine tenths of the French people I met were not nice. Heck, even the beggars in Paris are meaner than rabid pitbulls.
Its just my experience with them. If you have personal experiences with the French, please share.